Interesting Wedding-ness

I have to admit, planning a wedding is quite interesting. Not what I imagined it would be, per all the Hollywood buzz and hoopla, but eye-opening, patience testing, and sometimes fun. I also have to admit that I thought most people viewed weddings much like I did, where these people have been an important part of your life so you want to be there to witness this momentous day...I was wrong.

Now, don't get me wrong, I understand that everyone has lives that cannot be put on hold for me and my wedding, but it is interesting to see who can shuffle life around to make it to NC, and who can't. I know some of it is unavoidable...like having a baby two weeks after the wedding, but it kind of makes me sad the lack of effort put in to making it to my big day. Maybe that's just me bitching after attending 13 weddings in 12 months all across the country, but I guess I could have said no to some of them. But I wanted to be there to witness my friends special moments. I guess it simply illuminates the importance of friendships and who's there for you and who isn't. Maybe not entirely, but it is a telling glimpse I think.

Part of it also makes me wonder if I was that guest that people invited thinking I would decline...you know that B list guest that you invited because they were friends with a group of other people. I wonder....but not too much because that's not a very fun thought.

Anyway, all that aside, I am excited to celebrate my big day with my fiance in 46 short days. It doesn't matter what dress I wear, or how many people are there, just that friends and family celebrate with us on this beginning day of the next chapter of our lives together. Gibbs Out.

In Kenya

Today was my first full day in Kenya, and what an experience! I will definitely say that I was prepared for much worse than what I saw and experienced. Not to underplay anything that happened in Kibera (the largest slum in Kenya) but people living there seemed quite entrepreneurial. There were many many many shops along all the streets we walked on that sold everything from underwear to vegetables to cellphone SIM cards. It was amazing! I mean, people always talk about the slum like people are disenfranchised and unable to help themselves, but on some level what I saw in Kibera defied that stereotype. Don’t get me wrong there was plenty of stinky “sewer” muck because no infrastructure exists for the sewage to be drained off, and there were people who seemed worse off than others, but overall it seemed like a functioning community. There was even electric wires and poles throughout the whole community! That amazed me the most! I was expecting abject poverty, and what I got was a glimpse of people who are making the best of the circumstances they’re in. Perhaps they don’t see a way out, or the way out seems unattainable, but they are making it day to day, if only that.

Carolina for Kibera is trying to perpetuate this theme. They seek to empower those who feel like they don’t have the means to advance. They seek out people (or rather, people seek them out) to work on community programs, often as volunteers, to strengthen the youth and give them an opportunity to advance and be the bext leaders in the community of Kibera or elsewhere. It was cool! I was pleasantly surprised.

Enjoy some of our first day photos below:

Annie and the rainwater recapture system at our hotel

The stoves we're analyzing for Carolina for Kibera's "green charcoal" initiative

One of the main streets in Kibera

All the tall people stuffed in our tiny matatu

Our matatu (aka VW van with 4 rows)

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Fabric for my table runners

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Pot pie engagement style!

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Karaoke night at KFBS! Featuring Kris kros by Tillman legacy!!

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All things in due course

Today has been quite a good day. Not over the top amazing, but a good solid day.

After three weeks of contemplation, I went back to see my nutritionist and we talked about why I was stuck losing weight...turns out, I have a good body image and don't so much want to lose weight. The flip side is that with a family history of high blood pressure losing 5% of my body weight will dramatically reduce my chances of developing high blood pressure (for which I almost already have pre-hypertension). That (being health and wellness reasons) is a good enough reason for me to get my butt into gear and lose weight.

The other part of our discussion revolved around stress...which is manifesting itself in a LOT of bad ways in my life right now. I've taken up yoga for stress relief and meditation to help minimize and prevent stress if possible.

Here's the interesting part: I was going to grab lunch today at Wendy's, but decided at the last minute to get Carrburritos instead. When I walked up to the door (a door I have visited numerous times before) I noticed there is a Meditation studio upstairs...hmmm...interesting coincidence. Then after I ate, I asked the woman who worked there if she knew anything about the studio. Turns out she is a yoga instructor and is interested in visiting the meditation studio as well. She gave me her card and hopefully we will practice at the same time.

Now there are several ways to view this interesting string of events, and I count myself blessed to be able to recognize many of them:

1) It is a mere coincidence that all of these events would transpire on the same day at a time that I was open to seeing them
2) The universe is conspiring to help me lead a more peaceful life by leading me to lunch at a place near a meditation studio with a waitress that teaches yoga who also wants to practice meditation.
3) God has moved in all these people's lives so that our paths would cross, and led me to lunch at Carrburritos so I could discover the meditation space.
4) I simply happen to be aware of opportunities to grow personally because I have been talking a lot about yoga and meditation so I finally realized there was a studio in a place I visit regularly, and had the foresight to ask one of the waitresses about it.

Frankly, I don't care much about the reason. I'm glad to have had these experiences conspire upon me today, and will hopefully have the will power and wherewithal to take action on them.

Chapter Ending

I've never really thought about the end of chapters until the beginning of the new one had already begun. But alas, that is not the case these days. I realize with business school coming to a close in 8 short months and me needing to get a job that I am writing/living the end of a pretty interesting chapter.

In this time, I have learned a ton about myself, including strengths, weaknesses, insecurities, and points of pride. However, in this moment, anxiety is overtaking me. Anxiety about if I will find a job (everyone keeps saying, yes you will, but how do they really know). Anxiety about whether or not people truly like me or if they're just being phony because we're supposed to build our networks. Anxiety about if I'm leading my team effectively or if they all think I'm a do-do! Anxiety about whether or not I have burned "political" bridges by being the outspoken woman that I am.

I think too much.

What I'm coming to learn is that some things are within my control and some things are not. A no-duh for most of you. The things that are outside of my control benefit none from my stress and anxiety so I must let them go. Those things that are within my control deserve some attention, but not all my energy because I would never get anything else done (like coursework and spending time with the bf). So this is basically the serenity prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference. I'm working on wisdom to know the difference today.

So help me out if you see or hear me stressing about something that is not within my control. I'd like to be a bigger, better, braver, stronger, more humble human being, but alas...this takes work, time and wisdom.