Original Poetry

Inspired by Bassey Ikpi, a seminar we had at work about engaging your audience, and a boy I know...an original work by me...

Insomnia

Its happened again. Woke up this morning at 2:30AM and couldn't go back to sleep. I don't know why this always happens to me, perhaps I worry too much. In any case, I thought now was as good a time as any to share some original poetry. (Written 6.22.05...another night of insomnia):

INSOMNIA

I cannot sleep.
my thoughts engage my mind
at a time when I should be resting
ruminating, percolating
I cannot shake the voice in my head
softly whisper
sometimes screaming
my thoughts unsaid
thoughts, feelings, emotions
that I've pushed to the back
shoved in the darkest recessed of my mind
hoping that if I deny them
for just one more day
just one more hour
that maybe, just maybe
they'll fade and never return...
but that is not the case
they always, always come creeping back to me
as if to remind me of who I'm trying to be
often at the wee hours of the morning
when all the outside distraction
has disappeared
and all I'm left with are my thoughts
and the gentle hum of my air conditioner
what to do with these thoughts
these questions of character and purpose?
do I act on them
or dismiss them as an overworked mind
over-analyzing?
these thoughts are the words of my heart
my true feelings emerging from a deep sleep
at the only time I am helpless
to fight them back into their dark prison.
should I listen?
I don't know
I don't know the answers to these questions
all I do know
is that these thoughts are back
out of the darkness
whispering, screaming
tormenting my tired soul.
all I want is sleep
all I have are my thoughts.

-Gibbas24

Strike, then holiday

24F, 18F windchill, but sunshine...
That's what I'll have to brave for 40 blocks in the AM if (when) the MTA strikes. That sucks, but it will make for good stories for my grandkids..."I had to walk 40 blocks in the freezing cold uphill both ways when I was young."

But in good news, I'm going home on Saturday! There's only so much New York this Midwesterner can take until I start turning into a bitter cynical...New Yorker. When that starts, I know its time to vacation or go home. I can't wait to be away from work for an entire week an just relax and evaluate life. Good times.

Well, I'll let you know how the strike goes...

Inside Voices

Picture this: you're sitting in your cube at the office and your cubemate answers the phone and starts talking in an unknown foreign language, but at like 20 decibels louder than he/she does in English. Or on the subway, a Chinese woman and her friend essentially shouting to each other in Chinese and sitting right next to one another. Why is it that people think if they speak in another language that others may not understand they have the right to crank up the decibels? The point of using what I so kindly refer to as "inside voices" is not to disturb those around you. I guess to others the reason is to keep conversations private, but come on...I don't need to hear your business whether I can understand it or not. This morning a woman was yelling at her child in French (which I understood) on the packed subway ride to work...not what anyone needs to hear first thing in the morning. It's insane. The same rules should apply whether you're speaking English or not.

Arghhhhh!

What's your type?

When looking for a mate (not a random hook up), people say they know what their type is, but my experience has shown that to be false. I mean, we all think we know who he or she is (in my case: big, offensive lineman type guy who dresses well and gives great hugs), but when it comes down to it, I have yet to meet a guy that fits that description who I have been attracted to. Instead I'm attracted to shorter guys, taller guys, red heads, bald guys, guys with goatees, those without facial hair, big strong men, never skinny guys, etc. Now, that's all over the map, I know, and I've seen the same proven true with some of my friends.

One of them says he loves blondes, but he is attracted to all sorts of different women, from brunettes to skinny girls to athletic types to Asian women...And another friend of mine says she wants to marry a guy with blonde hair and blue eyes, but her last long-term boyfriend has brown hair and brown eyes. And yet another friend wants to date a black guy with locks, but she is attracted to all different ethnicities of men.

As for me, I really try not to make a claim (well with the exception of the aforementioned offensive lineman)...I like to think of myself as an equal opportunity sister. Although, if prodded, I could likely tell you exactly the type of guy that I do NOT want.

What does it all mean, though?? We have these preconceived notions about what we think we like, but our emotions (maybe hormones at times) tell us differently. So should we believe our minds or our hearts? I think you know what my answer would be, but what do you say?

Wrong side of the bed

Have you ever woken up in the morning on the wrong side of the bed. No matter what you do or what happens its just bad...well that was me this morning. I got up to a freezing cold apartment, cold floor, cold bathroom tiles, just cold. Brrrrrrr. Then after I got ready and out the door the subway had this ridiculous line just to get in off the street. It was like we were a herd of cattle...yuck! And people were pushing and shoving (which is typical New York), but I was fed up. Then I wait in this enormous line to get a new MetroCard, only to find out when I get to the machine that the ATM/Credit Card slot is not working. So I have no cash and have to go to CVS to get cashback...on the way out people were not getting out of my way on the stairs (read: one me going up, hundreds of others coming down), so I just stormed up anyway....BAH! So I get the cash and return to another long line, then finally get on the subway, with just enough time to realize how much I truly miss the Midwest and am considering applying to jobs there while home for the holidays. I miss the snow, the nice-ness, the cars, my mom and dad, the easy steady pace of life and its evolution (singleness, career, marriage, kids, and friends throughout). There are the downsides, like less crazy stuff going on than NYC, but I don't think I would mind that as long as my friends got together.

Anyway, I just needed to vent and rant all at once. It's been a rough morning already and it's only 10am. I'm ready for next Thursday (half day then one week vacation). So ready to be home for the holidays.

What if I get Fired?

Do we ever stop to think...what if I get fired? I had that sinking feeling today...what if I get fired? What would I do?? How would I pay my rent? How would I survive. Would it be a blessing in disguise allowing me to then pursue a career in sports or the performing arts that I truly could be passionate about? Who knows...that thought just crossed my mind today as I was thinking about my work and professional relationship with my boss. It's rough trying to figure out different people's work styles, especially when they think everything should be done their way. My best work experiences have been with managers that have observed and worked with me and learned what my good qualities are and my bad ones and advised and encouraged me to work in such a way as to maximize the good and minimize the bad. I don't have that here. It's like being thrust into someone else's reality and trying to live according to their rules even if your values and personality style differ from theirs. Like I said, it's tough. And it's especially scary overhearing conversations that could potentially be about you and how they might be getting rid of you. In all honesty, I'm more worried about my personal responsibilities than not doing this job anymore...and that's sad. I want a job where I would be incredibly sad to be leaving because I would miss the people, the work, and the cause...that's passion! What is life without passion anyway?? Not much.

Office Romance

Let's talk about it for a minute...it seems as of late, soo many people in my office are hooking up. And no, not "hooking up" but dating (but there is also a whole lot of hooking up going on, especially when there is an office party). There is a string of office romance in this place, but what do we think about it? Is office romance taboo as it was so many years ago, or has it become commonplace and acceptable since we workaholic young people spend majority of our day in the office with the same people?

I heard an alarming statistic that some 65% of people meet at work. How does that work if you're not supposed to date people you work with? I have a theory that it's a somewhat misleading statistic...you can meet someone at work then move to work somewhere else but stay in contact, so while you met them at work, you don't work with them any longer. Just a thought.

But, personally, I don't think I could date someone I work with. I am the type of person who needs my personal space and having to spend the day in the office with that person as well as traveling to and from work with them in conjunction with spending after work time with them, might just drive a sista nuts! I prefer to keep my romantic life and professional life separate. As for everyone else...date co-workers at your own risk!

Garden State

I watched Garden State with my sister today, and what a good film. I've been wanting to see it for so long, and I'm glad I finally did. It's such a good commentary on life and love. A story about a guy who goes through his life completely numb because of one small mistake he made as a child then stops taking his pills and meets a girl who is not afraid to do something completely unique that no one has ever done before. Very cute and thought provoking...and if you haven't seen it yet, stop reading now because I'm going to give away the end...it was great especially when he tells Amy he has to leave because he had a lot to figure out on his own, but ends up coming back to find her because he realizes that she is what feels like home and when he goes through this he wants her with him, and vice versa. Gives every girl hope that the right guy is out there and will realize that it's not always about figuring things out on your own, but having someone you love there by your side along the way. Overall, I'd give it two thumbs up.

Anyway, that's my two cents for this Black Friday. No shopping for me, just helping my sister with her hair and trying to relax...now being prodded into packing, which I hate. Ah well...back to NYC in two short days.

Happy Turkey Day!

So its Thanksgiving and you know what that means...family, friends, food and thankfulness. Now I traveled to the ATL for this Turkey day celebration to spend time with the extended fam. Good times and good food, let me tell ya...homemade macaroni and cheese, collard greens, ham, friend turkey, red velvet cake, sweet potato pie, potato salad, the works! Gotta love a family get together. And after dinner of course there was dancing...it just wouldn't be my family otherwise. Its times like today that remind me of who my people are (my family roots that is) and where I came from. Its nice to have that reminder every now and again since I'm so far removed from them. And my little cousins are the cutest! I'm thankful for family get-togethers.

And on an unrelated note, I was thinking about the movie "How to Lose a Guy in 10 days" on the plane yesterday and how it is a testament to how hard you have to work to make a relationship work. I mean, here you have Kate Hudson trying desperately to be the most annoying girlfriend in history, and Matthew McConaughey determined to make her fall in love with him. He puts up with her craziness (albeit for a bet) and in the end she really falls in love with him. He didn't give up at the first sign of difficulty, but toughed it out with her and let me remind you, they had some really great times along the way (remember BULL$%@# at his parents house on Staten Island??) Anyway, I was just thinking about that and how a lot of people these days seem to have forgotten the hard work it requires to make a relationship work. Ah well...

Oh, another question...what would you do if you felt yourself beginning to develop feelings for a close friend of the opposite sex? I've been in this situation before in college, and didn't quite handle the situation expertly (I tend to get stupidhead when I like a guy, which means I get all girlie and awkward, which you can read on my face and body language from a mile away). I'm not, by any means, a master of these situations, but I ran into this friend's twin brother the other day and it reminded me of this, so naturally, I thought I'd share.

Random thoughts...please share yours. And hope you had a happy turkey day! Gobble gobble!

New York at Christmas

New York during the holidays is absolutely beautiful. If you haven't seen it, you should definitely visit...I mean, the holidays have barely begun, but the snowflake lights and "gift wrapped" buildings are just stunning as the sun sets on the city illuminating the holiday spirit. I'm so excited about the tree lighting at Rockefeller Center as well. Apparently though, it's a big to-do and soo many people are there you have to camp out to even get near the tree to see it being lit. I may just go a different day, but I MUST see the tree this year. It kind of reminds me of Silver Bells in Lansing. Everyone comes to the capital and watches the parade then they light the tree and people get nuts and candy at the Peanut Shop...ah, the memories. Now all we need is snow, and it will be perfect.

Anyway, just thought I'd share since I spent the day walking around Rockefeller Center admiring the lights and store displays. I'll add photos after I see the tree...can't wait!

Single and OK?

Who knew with every job you have you learn something new about what you are trying to get out of your lifetime career?? So that's me right now. I have definitely learned at my current job that I'm not so good at being one of those people in the background who makes things happen but gets no recognition. You got me...I've always known that about myself, but this job definitely reaffirms that. I like to be in the spotlight of sorts...at least to get recognition for the jobs that I do (...not just the mistakes that I make). The next job definitely needs to have both more responsibility, more recognition, and clear objectives (I'm a big picture sort of girl).

In other news...if you check two posts ago, there is a link in the comments section to an interesting website...well, I don't know if interesting is the word I should use, but it'll do. Now this website basically talks about why older (late 20's early 30's) single people looking for love are just doomed, because the percentage of the available population looking for long-term committed relationships is diminishing because we have become a "hook-up culture". It's about the saddest thing I have ever read, frankly, and I'm choosing not to believe it. The unfortunate thing is that it must have gotten under my skin because on my walk to work I thought..."what if there isn't a guy out there looking for a girl like me?" That is kind of sad, but me and my sister were talking tonight, and I came to this conclusion: I may just be too okay with being single that I'll never find someone because I'll never look hard enough. I guess I'm just relying on that guy to fall into my lap, or friendships to turn into more (read: friends of friends theory).

Anyway, just my typical thoughts on work and dating. As always, please share your comments.

Two Cents on Dating

A friend of mine said something to me today that I thought blog-worthy:

"I can't believe you can't find one of my friends to date."

Now, to give you a little background, I was telling him about one of my successful dates from online dating. He thought the guy sounded pretty cool, which he is, but couldn't believe I wasn't interested in any of his friends (which let me clarify is not true...I like them, they just never call me).

So this whole conversation reminded me of the friends of friends theory. Again, I believe in it fully, but online dating has introduced a whole new dimension to the dating scene. One is able to see if a guy is even interested in a person with similar qualities and characteristics as them before even spending any time or energy on the games involved in the dating scene at say a bar. Don't get me wrong, online dating is by no means a replacement for the good old traditional dating, just a helpful addition.

The point is, dating is exhausting but fun and although friends of friends are a great way to meet people and get to know them without as much awkwardness there seem to be some other effective ways to meet people too.

My two cents on dating...

Love? Sex?...Read on, you'll be interested

Here's a question for ya:

Can love exist without sex?

So I know those of you who know me are thinking "WHAT?!!? Gibbas talking about sex" and I have to admit I had an internal debate going as to whether or not I would write about this, but what it boils down to is this: I have to write it because it's a real issue that people face daily so I have to be true to that. (And let me clarify that I mean falling in love and saving sex for serious commitment/engagement/marriage, not abstaining from sex forever in a relationship).

Where did this thought come from, you may be thinking...well I was watching Love Inc. today and it sparked this question because they're supposed to be finding love for people but today's episode focused on, among other things, the main character trying to have sex with the guy she was seeing. Also, being young and single in NYC also sparked some interest in this topic. Apparently, the scene here is largely about taking people home from the bar and sleeping with them. Again, if you know me you know that's not me. Now, the question is, can you fall in love with someone or grow to love them without sleeping with them? I mean, so many people expect that you sleep together after the second or third date and the relationship grows from there, but what about intellectual stimulation? I once read that you should marry someone who you love to talk to because one day that's all you'll have left. How does sex play into that? Can you find a guy who is willing to not sleep with you in favor of getting to know you better and falling in love with you first? I have to hope. A lot of guys...and girls...automatically assume that you're not interested if you don't sleep with them soon after you meet them. In my humble opinion, sure sex is a key part of a relationship, but it is not the end all and be all in deciding if this person is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. It seems that there are a lot of other factors that come into play, like shared interests, conversation, personality, etc that could shape lifetime compatibility. Perhaps people are just not thinking like that at this age...people have always told me I have an old soul. Who knows.

Just thoughts to ponder...and if you have any thoughts, comments, opinions, please do share.

Dates, Work, and Bars

So it's been a while...almost 10 days, and I apologize. Life has definitely been interesting since then, and let me tell you about it...

First off, I have been on two lovely dates (and yes, courtesy of online dating). I have to admit that I thought it was completely strange at first...who meets people online, right? But I've heard soo many stories of people dating, getting engaged, and even getting married to people they met on various dating websites, so it's kind of hard not to give it a try. If you think about it, it's just like a bar, but online and minus the alcohol (well, unless you're drinking at home while online, that is). Its turned out well for me so far. Again, I'll keep you updated.

Secondly, work...what to say about it. It's dealt me some blows as of late, but I have struck back fiercely (in the kindest way, of course), stepping up my A game and really showing them what this chick is made of. I'm the type of person who doesn't take one persons opinion as gospel, instead I ask around, research, check it out myself to see if what they say if true (the Berean in me). So I was told something about my ability to get tasks accomplished, which stung, frankly. I like to think I am good at getting things done in a timely fashion, but it is different and hard when the people you're trying to motivate have zero interest in doing what you ask. But I had to take a step back and ask some others what they thought of me on the subject. All others contradicted what I was initially told, which is comforting and rather disturbing all at the same time. Its a game of perception in this business and in order to succeed I need people to perceive me as I truly am...diligent, highly motivated, intelligent, and driven. That's the challenge. In any case, its going slightly better now, and I eagerly look forward to every weekend and holiday. I'll be glad when I don't have this tight tense feeling in my chest anymore.

And lastly, my roomie and I have decided to check out local bars and restaurants once a week. We went to our favorite last night (although it is the first), but we decided that this is our neighborhood bar now. There is a bar downstairs from our apartment, but it is sort of a dive, so we steer clear. Although the manager and bouncer stopped us yesterday on our way home, recognized us, and told us we should come drink there since we live so close. I think we decided on maybe a pre-party drink there, then on to the real parties. At least we know them now, and they'll look out for us.

In any case, that's been my week so far. I'll keep you updated on all related topics as they unfold, and as usual, I'd love to hear your thoughts, comments, ideas on any of these topics.

Intuition

My intuition is better than I thought. A while ago at work, I felt strongly like my boss was hanging me out to dry with the Clients, and yesterday he proved me right, sadly. It's incredibly hard to work when all you can think about is how your Clients have no faith in you. That's the worst feeling ever. I wish someone had told me before, versus letting it get so bad with me thinking everything was okay. Now all the blame is pinned on me, despite the fact that the agency can't get their stuff together, we are understaffed, and I don't have the clout to make anyone do anything because I'm the most junior person on our account. It blows, frankly...and I think I've had enough...

I have to learn to trust my intuition more. I used to think that I wasn't a very good judge of character, but it turns out, I'm not so bad, my skills just needed to be improved over time. It runs in my family actually. My mom and sister are both exceptional judges of character.

On another note, my boss actually told me not to think of the people I work with as people. He told me to think of them as buttons on a soda machine, and myself as the person putting the money in and taking the soda out. I have to get people to do what I want so I can get the product I want...only they're not people they're buttons. Is that sick and sad, or is it just me...please enlighten me or I may never work in corporate america...or at least this industry ever again.

Dancing Buddies!

I had a lot of fun last night! I went out with a good friend, made some new friends, and once again danced for hours. It was definitely good times. I also realized that no matter when I go out and with whom, I always end up hanging out with the guys. I don't mind, I have fun that way, and I think I know why. Guys (at least these guys) will stay out as long as there is a bar open, music playing, and some friends around. I love that. I can dance with them, dance with other guys, dance alone, and just have a good time in general. I don't know why dancing is soo necessary for me, but it is. It's means of communication between bodies, you know what they say, 90% of communication is nonverbal.

In any case, I made some new friends last night and I can't wait to hang out with them again. I love these boys, the kisses on the cheek, the hugs, the dancing...yay new friends!

The World Through Their Eyes

It's been a few days...my bad. So I've finally found my work groove at my job. I'm involved in a million different things (just like I like it, as those of you who know me know), and most excitingly coordinating a community service day...what I do best!

Anywho, so one of my friends from college is in town staying with my roomie and I, and its interesting to see both of their outlook on life, love and the future. They think that every woman still wants to have a baby and settle down. Now, I'm not entirely sure that's true. I think it has probably crossed every woman's mind, but like me, for example, I'm not entirely sure if I want to have babies...I mean, I want to have babies, I just don't know if I want to birth them. There are soo many children out there that need families, why not take care of them? And our other male friend that was over said that would definitely be a deal breaker for him, if the woman he was dating wasn't sure if she wanted to have kids. They attributed it immediately to my going to business school...I didn't argue, although that's not the reason why I'm not sure about birthing babies. It's just soo interesting to see different people's outlook on the world.

Oh, and I think I met an interesting guy...we'll see how it really turns out next weekend, but he seems like he knows what he wants and isn't afraid to say it. There is something about him though, that I can't quite put my finger on...like he might be really demanding or something. Don't know. But next weekend I'll let you in on it.

Have a good one, and enjoy the weather despite the rain!

Volunteer for Your Health

I miss volunteering. You know how when you volunteer or help others even in some small insignificant way, you feel better about yourself or your place in the world? It's a good feeling that I've been missing, although I couldn't place it until today. And it's not just about me, either...it's nice to know that someone else's life is better because I chose not to be selfish for just 4 short hours. I've signed up for a big community service day this month where people across the city will be helping to revitalize underprivileged area schools. I'm excited about it. I hope it will spur me on to do one new community service activity a month. I was doing really good at it earlier this year, but when I got my new job I stopped. I met some cool people when I volunteered too.

That's it, I'm back in. If any of you are interested in volunteering, let me know and I can hook you up with a cool organization in NYC!

Now what?

Am I crazy...am I doing something wrong?? Every time I give a guy my contact info, I never hear from him again. Now, I know I'm not very good at the dating game, but is there some secret to giving/getting contact info that no one ever told me about? Am I just completely off base here? It's not like I give them my number and say "I want to marry you and have your babies." I'm just like "yeah, I'd love to hang out sometime, here's my number." Is that wrong?? Please someone queue me in!

In other news...well, I have no other news right now...just my questions. Really, someone comment and help me out.

"Stank Face"

I've been told before that I wear my emotions, not on my sleeve, but on my face. My sister says I make the "stank face" when someone around me is doing something crazy or annoying. I really can't help it, though. My feelings register on my face before I even realize it...they're totally connected, and I am terrible at pretending I feel something that I don't (which is not a bad thing). There have also been people in my life that have told me that these faces and emotions are something I need to "work on". And boy have I tried to change this lovely facet of my character, but it's so inherent...I'm even making faces right now while I'm writing this! But last night I had dinner with a friend, and he reminded me that I'm going to find someone that's right for me, who loves all my faces and intonations, including the "stank face". I said something about a guy who I had been interested in, but ignored by (and I thought I was just stating a fact) but my friend totally picked up on my hint of disdain hidden in there. I told him I need to work on that, but he was like no you don't, it's not a bad thing. It's funny, though, because every time I'm with this guy, he reassures me of who I am and my weird funny quirks that some guy is going to love one day. It's nice to have those people around, who, even though they're not the one, give you hope he's out there.

Again, random thoughts from the peanut gallery...

Ads and the Black Audience

As most of you know, I work in advertising. I also subscribe to a few magazines, one of which is Black Enterprise. I have to admit, it's a great read and addresses the issues that are of particular interest and relevance to the black audience. One thing I did notice, that was slightly disturbing is the ads. The content of the magazine (at least this month, October 2005) is focused on saving for retirement and in every issue there seems to be an underlying element of building wealth, but the ads are trying to persuade the consumers to purchase luxury goods like BMWs, Movado watches, stays at the Westin and Marriott hotels, Cadillacs, flights around the world, Audis. Now don't get me wrong, there is a fair share of ads marketing financial services and everyday items, but it strikes me that in a publication that is so forthrightly promoting saving and building wealth in a community that needs to hear that message (myself included), advertisers would promote products that clearly contradict that. And I know it's not so cut and dry, believe me, I know. Companies key demographics may lie in this market so they feel they need to reach them, and its the consumers decision to buy or not, but are these companies perpetuating the "keep up with the Joneses", this-is-what's-cool mentality?? Is that their goal? Is that wrong? Is it ethical? Is it okay?? All questions I don't have the answer to, but it struck a chord with me seeing these ads.

Also, some of the ads were just terrible. The advertisers were clearly trying to reach the African American market (hence the placement), but some of the ads simply replaced a white person with a black person. The message is the same, and potentially not as relevant to the audience...shame on you! Black people are not just white people with darker skin. We have a history and culture that is very different on many levels, and can cause us to relate to content differently. I have to give some companies credit though, there were some good ads in there (Pepsi, Pontiac, Mercedes, Movado, Hennessy and Infiniti).

Anyway, I thought I would sound off on the subject because I can. If you have any thoughts, feel free to leave me a comment. (NOTE: the two ads you see here were not in this issue, but are good examples of advertising to African Americans in my humble opinion)

Workout Bodies

So I'm trying to get back in my gym routine after apartment searching and moving. It's going alright so far, but me and my abs are in a fight to the death...or the tone! The funny thing about going to the gym is the people who are there. I try not to give them a hard time because its great that they are there trying to get in shape. But the ones with the sunglasses on the treadmill...inside, the ladies with serious makeup on, and the ones with non-exercise sneakers...it's all very bizarre and interesting at the same time. But my absolute favorite thing about the gym is seeing all the people of different shapes and sizes. Because when you're out on the street people use clothes to hide their "imperfections", but at the gym it doesn't really matter because the "imperfections" are precisely why you're there. It's refreshing to know that there are soo many different body types out there...makes me feel less crazed about whipping mine back into shape.

Anyway, that's my two cents for tonight. Have a good one and get ready for Monday.

Ethics

I took a course in business ethics when I was in college, and back then I thought, "Why is this guy asking me all these easy questions? Of course I wouldn't take the unethical route, that just seems brainless." But now that I'm in Corporate America it has all become so clear why they prepare us and ask these questions. I mean, at my job, little things have arisen that (some might say) require unethical actions, like little white lies, but I always feel like these are the things that are going to come back and bite me in the rear later in my career. My firm stance (although it's hard to keep it from turning to jelly) is that I won't lie, cheat, or steal...now in an industry that often thrives on these three things, it's hard, let me tell you. I mean, I've sat down with people who were like do whatever it takes (and NOT short of lying) to get people to do what you need them to do...that's not how I operate. I'm not going to yell and scream at people, I'm not going to stalk them or try to bribe them. I'm going to treat them like intelligent human beings (whether they are or not is a different story) with respect and kindness and hope that they realize we're in this together and meet deadlines out of respect. I'm also a very transparent person. When I do something that's not in my nature, it's very very apparent and people always call me on it. It doesn't pay for me to lie or try to be something that I'm not, so I'm just going to be true to me and remain ethical...

In other news, Michigan v. Michigan State at noon! GO STATE!!!!

Job Security

You know how job security is soo important in a decision to take a new job? Well I thought I had that when accepting my current job, but it turns out, not so much. Five people in our production department got fired yesterday out of the blue. No reasons (that I know of), no downsizing (we actually won a huge piece of new business this week), all levels from assistants to fairly senior people who have been here for years. It was very surprising and shocking and makes me fear for my job. I remember learning that there are two ways to motivate people...make them feel valued like a necessary part of the whole or strike the fear of God into them. Now, the former gets work done, but its not of as high quality as the latter. People do just enough work so they don't get fired. When you feel like you are a necessary value added part of a team you go above and beyond your requirements because you have a vested interest in the success of the whole. I don't necessarily feel that way here. On several projects I try to catch all the mistakes so I don't get in trouble, but that doesn't allow me to spend time with the aesthetic aspects that could add so much more value (which is important in my industry). It's kind of a shame, and reminds/shows me how I want to run my organization. I do have some inspirations though, Clif Bar, Patagonia, Pepsi, Moosejaw...all of which, from what I know about them, value their employees, their lives, and their contributions to the whole. I think the difference is these organizations are integrated into the lives of the employees...they are not going to a job, but to work at contributing to an organization that they are a part of and truly believe in.

Anyway, let me get off my soapbox. I feel like I've been on it all week long, and it's time to get down. I'm soo glad the week is almost over...it's been incredibly exhausting and crazy at work, so tonight it's drinks or ice cream...either will do the trick! Have a good one ;-)

PS
No date for tonight, so I failed our little agreement...he's out there somewhere, so no worries...

Party Pix!!!

So it's all about partying on your 24th birthday, right?? So I thought I'd share some pictures so that you can imagine that you were there with me...shake it don't break it ;-) To the left is me and my friend Jon workin' it on the dance floor. We danced for like five straight hours....INSANITY!

And this is us in our train having a riduculously great time. It really was one of the most fun nights I've had in New York. Everyone should have one of those nights where you're out with your friends and not really thinking about who you're going to meet, but just shakin' what yo' momma gave ya 'til the DJ starts slowin' it down and they gradually turn the lights back on...at 4AM!



And these are some of my other friends who were in attendance. The party was hoppin;, the alcohol was flowin' (for better or worse), and the beats were thumpin'!! Good times had by all!









Oh, and I should mention that I borrowed these images from my joint birthday buddy's website, thanks Alex ;-)

Enough!

Enough of this whining poor me crap. I'm okay without a guy, and hey, my life doesn't hinge on the fact that I have one. I am an intelligent, skilled, fun, athletic, cute, strong-willed, diva of a young lady livin' it up in NYC. No need to fret. If there's a Mr. Right-for-me out there, so be it. If not, so be it still.

That's all for me now...

Discovery??

This could be a discovery...maybe I can't find a guy to date because a lot my friends are guys, and when I'm out with them no other guys approach me??? Or maybe because I don't give off the "come-over-here-and-talk-to-me-cuz-I'm-fun-and-funny-and-care-free" vibe (I've been told that before...I can be a bit unapproachable). Or maybe guys are just flat intimidated by me (that is, of course, my favorite because its always nice to think that you are soo charming, intelligent, and beautiful that guys just can't imagine that a girl like you could possible be interested in a guy like them ;-) ). But what is it really?

I'm surrounded by all these beautiful ladies (my girls) who have NO problems finding guys to ask them on dates, in fact, they epitomize one of my male friend's "Stable Theory" for women. Then there's me. Perhaps I am too picky or too critical or too hopeless (read: given up on finding a guy), but who really knows. I'd be interested in knowing what my boys (or girls) have to say on the subject...so if you're reading this, give me your two cents, I won't be hurt...be honest.

In any case, I'm going to try, like I said yesterday, to stop looking so that perhaps in my "unsearch" I'll bump into an interesting guy. Who knows??

Friends and Lovas

It's funny, you leave college with a few close friends that you are sure you'll stay in touch with over the years, and then those that you'd like to stay in touch with but figure it will be one of those every few months we have a good conversation sort of things. Now that I'm out of college for two and a half years, that has been turned on its head. I'm pretty good friends with people who I wouldn't have thought I would be (and glad to have them back in my life). We reunited at weddings or birthdays or through facebook, and it's pretty cool. It's a welcome change and they are cool people, so I'm happy about that.

On a different note, back to birthday weekend...my friends tried to find me a guy, but didn't find any (as I mentioned yesterday), and I starting thinking about how it would be nice to have a boyfriend...yeah I said it. I was talking to my roommate about it since she is dating this guy who is in Iraq right now, and she's like "you know, you usually find a guy when you stop looking." Now, I've heard that before, so its no big surprise to me, but as I'm sitting there ruminating about it I'm thinking how it's not that I'm actively looking, but that no matter what I do it's always on my mind. Friends are getting engaged and married, others are dating amazing guys all over the world, then there's me...hopelessly single. No matter where I go or what I do, I never seem to meet guys who are interested in me or vice versa. Maybe it's because lately I've been looking (perhaps subconsciously), but I can't figure out how to stop looking. It's always in the back of my mind...how do you stop looking for a guy? I'm going to try to enjoy being single (well...I always do anyway) and not think about finding a guy.

If you have any suggestions on not thinking about boys....PLEASE let me know.

Huge Success!

Birthday weekend was a huge success. My cheer friends from Penn came in for the weekend, I trapezed, I ate, and most importantly I danced. Good times all around! I'm too tired from last night to write much more, but needless to say, I danced for five hours straight...and hooked one of my girls up with one of my New York friends...job well done!

I'll write more later!

Parties, Engagements, & Babies!

The party's almost here, and I'm so excited. I can hardly contain myself, its unbelievable. I haven't been so excited for a party in so long, so I can only hope it lives up to expectations. I'm pretty sure it will since all that matters is that my friends will be there, and they will. Good times.

On a different note, more engagements and now a baby!! What?!? One day, I swear, it will be me announcing my engagement, but until then, I'm happy to hear of the news of good friends finding the loves of their lives, and starting families. I never thought the day would come (at least not so soon) that my friends would start having babies. But I guess it's that time. Most people have babies about 2 years after they get married, and now is that time for my friends. I just went through a wave of weddings now the wave of babies starts...whew! I'm excited though, I walk by Baby Gap on my way home from work, so now I'm imagining my friends little one's in cute Gap clothes. Insane, I never thought those words would come out of my mouth (or off the keyboard) so soon.

Anywho, we'll see what this weekend holds in store, I'm sure I'll have stories to tell when it's over!!!

Sorry?

I realized something about myself today (although, I guess I already knew it subconsciously)...I have an aversion to apologizing. It's strange I know, but reality. I think it's because in a Management class in college, we did a case study on the differences between men and women in management roles, and why men tend to be more successful. One of the discoveries was that overall women tend to apologize more than men and men see apologizing as a sign of weakness. I guess I internalized it more than I realized, since that case study has hung soo closely to me for almost five years. Since that day, subconsciously, I think I decided only to apologize when absolutely necessary. I don't want to be seen as weak, and I don't want to not succeed because I'm a female, so I try to take what I've learned (including not admitting that I don't know something at work) and apply it to my life in an attempt to be successful on my terms. (I feel crazy when I re-read this though)

It's bizarre though, I have a physical reaction when I have to apologize, almost like a nervous reaction or frustration. I have to work myself up, take a few deep breaths, suppress my own insecurities and tackle the situation head on. As a result, I don't apologize as often as I should...so if in the past I have offended you in some way, realized it and not apologized, I'm doing it now...I'm sorry.

Weird how one little essay can change the way we live our lives...

GO STATE!

The day is fast approaching!! The most amazing birthday party to hit NYC (...so says me) is only six short days ways, and I can't wait. I've already had friends call me and tell me how psyched they are to be coming, so if you're reading this and I didn't invite you stop by Branch on the 24th. The party planner himself has set up expectations for those dancing guys...its on, so wear your dancing shoes. Oh, and I bought part of the outfit today...so cute!

Anyway, so I'm running out of time for this date in September. Remember me and a couple friends made this agreement to go on a date before the end of the month?? Well, next weekend is kind of a bust unless I get a Sunday late brunch or dinner date (which is possible but not likely). We'll see.

Oh yeah, how could I possible forget...Michigan State whomped on Notre Dame Saturday!!! GO STATE!! It was a great game, and I have to give ND credit, they did give MSU a run for their money, but in the end greatness prevailed! Did I mention...GO STATE!!

And if you have any interesting topics you want to hear my opinion on, feel free leave a comment and I'll gladly write. Enjoy your Sunday!

Is he really interested?

Why is it that when you've finally resolved in your head to get over a guy, he shows up in your life and actually seems interested? After weeks of seeming uninterested and not returning my phone call, he appears again and I have decided to just be casual and not pay him too much attention because he's obviously not interested if he can't call back. And he talks to me, asks me questions that he already knows the answers to, tries to break the silences between us. But I just sit back and think:

"You could have had this, but you were too weak/afraid/small/intimidated to step up when you had the chance, now the time has passed".

Yeah, that may be a little harsh, but come on. I put myself out there giving him my number (for which he reciprocated), then called him a week and a half later just to say what's up and he didn't call back...and that was 2 months ago. I'm sorry dude, you missed the boat. It's frustrating though, because part of me wants to give in and give him another chance, after all he is really cute and Hawaiian and he surfs. But my other (I venture to say smarter, wiser, more logical, realistic) half tells me:

"Don't do it girl. He wants you now because he can't have you. Don't give him that satisfaction."

But am I depriving myself of the same satisfaction that I won't let him have?? I doubt it, because the instant I start acting interested, he'd be uninterested yet again. No game playing for me. If he decides one day that he wants to take a ride on the L-train, he will have to get the guts to call me and outright ask me on a date. I wouldn't be so evil as to turn him down then, but I'm not playing his games. I'm not asking him out again. I'll be his friend, but that's it.

Guys, what's the deal with that?!?

Simmer

You know its bad when you almost start crying at work because you miss your old boss...

What an emotional week it's been (since last Thursday), with job stuff and friend stuff (I know its vague but I can't just go putting my whole self out there on the web). Let me just say that finding a job that really suits you with people that you like who challenge you and look out for you is incredibly hard to find. I miss my old boss because he knew what I was trying to get out of my job and threw me into the projects that would get me there. Now, at times I think I'm not being aggressive enough about seeking out opportunities to excel, but at other times I think I've put myself out there and am constantly asking how I can help, but no one cares. I'm not being challenged intellectually, and if I left this job today I wouldn't have ANY new skills under my belt (which is somewhat sad considering I've worked here for nearly 6 months). I need more, I need intellectual stimulation.

And on the friend front, its just been exhausting. I love love love hanging out with my friends, and miss those that aren't near, but sometimes I put pressure on myself to hang out everyday, and that gets tiring. I forget that I need Lysandra time or Lysandra might just poop out on me. I know its bad when at the end of the day I have a killer headache and I wake up with a sore back...that's stress and worry right there.

Anyway, my heart, mind and body have had a workout these past few days, so I just need some down time to simmer.

Coelho Reviewed

Today is kind of a blah day. I watched football all day yesterday, and was exhausted by 11pm...I think I'm getting old. But it was fun. We watch Michigan's disappointing loss against Notre Dame, parts of Iowa/Iowa State, and Texas/Ohio. So I think I'm footballed out for the weekend. I know there are huge NFL games today, but really, I've had my fill and I have to get ready for Monday Night football tomorrow. I think I'll just read a book today.

Speaking of which, I mentioned in a previous entry that I was taking on Paulo Coelho, right. So far I have read The Alchemist, By the River Piedra I sat and wept, and I am currently reading Eleven Minutes. So far, the Alchemist is my favorite, and I'm finding the others a little...something. I can't quite place it yet. They are definitely interesting in that I want to keep reading them til I'm finished, but I'm not sure how I feel about them yet. They require a fair amount of concentration and intellectuality to read and comprehend, which is neither good nor bad. And the subject matter is intriguing, exploring love as emotion vs decision, sex within and outside the context of love and life's journey. Like I said, the verdict is still out. When I finish a couple more of his books I'll let you know if I've come to a conclusion.

In any case, I might go enjoy the weather today and read in the park.

11 Things I Love to Hate:

1. Babysitting grown people
2. The assumption that I should know what's going on with something that no one has ever spoken with me about.
3. Dishonesty/Deception
4. Making mistakes (myself)
5. Feeling nauseous
6. Looking for an apartment in NYC
7. Not going on dates :-(
8. Having chemistry with a guy who has a girlfriend
9. Fake people
10. The Teddy K's of the world
11. Screaming kids on airplanes

Red Hot...

I'm red hot right now! I know for sure that the nomad in me is absolutely right. Now that I think about it, she has never been wrong, but today I know without a question that its time. Unfortunately I'm reminded of a previous chapter where these same things happened, and I let them drag on for a year before my nomad got the best of me. Not this time, not this time. The 22nd marks a milestone that will undoubtedly change everything.

The Party is On!

It's official...my 24th birthday party is on! My good friend Alex and I are throwing a killer bash that is bound to set some records in NYC. A good 100+ people on the invite list plus friends...it should be a good time all around. Frankly, I am incredibly excited, this is the first birthday party I've thrown personally since high school. It's gonna be good.

In other related news, my inability to sit still for too long has returned. Hopefully something will come along that makes me want to stay put...at least for a little while.

Oh, and I made a deal with some friends (all girls of course) that we would each go on a date before the end of the month. I don't know about that, but I gotta try, right? So if you know any interesting guys who might enjoy my company or guys who's company I might enjoy, or really a guy with whom we can enjoy each others company, please let me know. I have three weeks ;-)

True Friendship

It's official! My 24th birthday party is being planned. Alex, who I must admit is spearheading the whole deal, and I are planning a killer joint birthday bash. It's bound to be off the chains with over 100 people on the invite list. Sure we still have to pick a place, but details, details...as long as people have saved the date, we're good to go. I really can't wait! I hope a lot of people show up, if even just to party for part of the night with us. I just want to dance and party with good friends.

Which reminds me...I was saddened recently by what I thought was a good friend who let me down, but in my stubbornness missed out on the very clear fact that this person is, and always has been, one person who is true to their word. I can't recall one moment when they have lied to me or misled me. Maybe omitted the truth, but never lied or misled. But I have been so jaded by the lack of honesty, sincerity, and keep-one's-word-liness that I thought this person too had fallen prey to that awful disease. To my pleasure and shame, I found out that it was all a technological failure, not a character failure that caused me to throw our whole friendship into question. Pleasure because this person's strong character holds true, and my shame because I never should have doubted this person or been soo stubborn.

Crazy, isn't it, how one small thing can try to destroy a lifetime worth good times?

Labor Day is over, Work is here.

We took a break from the blog for the holiday! Labor Day weekend turned out to be interesting at the very least. I got to hang out with my sister, go dancing ATL style (like I said they weren't ready for this), went to a beautiful wedding, and saw old friends. It was nice.

I can't really give the play by play right now though because I'm feeling rather sick. I got home with a wicked stomach virus which left me with a fever and incapable of eating anything. I still feel nauseous, but I braved it and came to work anyway. My boss however (after a 2 week vacation) called in sick today. I'm not so sure about this whole thing. After watching "In Good Company" last night (while curled up in the fetal position in gastrointestinal agony) I'm realizing that the people I work for/with are more like Teddy K, not Dan. I liked Dan, and want to work for/be like him one day. He truly valued what he was selling and its value to the company and customer. It was about a sense of family within the organization and being ethically sound. Here its about "Syngergy" and the bottom line...awesome questions that they leave up to us to ask.

Anyway, that's just where I am, hungry, nauseous, tired, nomadically anxious...

The Not-So-Typical Guy

I made it to ATL!! Hotlanta watch out, the sista's Gibbs are in the hizouse, and you ain't ready for this! Just kidding...but really Atlanta isn't ready for me... ;-)

But on my way down I started reading By the River Piedra I sat and wept by Paulo Coelho and it got me thinking about life and love (how is that different, you may wonder). Well I was thinking about how, although I say that looks are important to me, I find myself attracted to guys because of personality somewhat exclusive of looks. For example there is a guy who is kind of goofy and slightly out of shape, but he makes me laugh and we have conversations about meaningful topics and our silence is not uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong, he isn't hard on the eyes by any means, he's kind of average, not the type of guy you would look at twice on the street. To me, though, he is more appealing than this other very handsome guy who is very athletic, handsome, and charming. But I guess this is evidenced through my history of guys...I've always liked the guy in the group that was slightly nerdy or goofy or not the norm. I definitely noticed that I'm more relaxed around guys who aren't traditionally handsome (i.e. tall dark and handsome) but have a little edge (whether that be a love for scifi, Family Guy, indy bands, poetry, cowboy boots, whatever). Could this be a result of my insecurity or simply evidence that there really is someone out there for everyone.

Anyway, random thoughts. I'm sure as I progress through this book and other Coelho books, I'll have other random thoughts that I will share. Until then, I'm in ATL, livin' it up!

No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn!

Soo tired, but thought I'd write.

I'm off to Hotlanta tomorrow to see my sister and go to a friend's wedding. It should be good times, although I was having a terrible time deciding what to pack! Ah, the troubles with being a girl (and having WAY too many clothes). Maybe I'll do a fall cleaning and give some of them away to Good Will or something.

Anyway, so I don't have much to say today besides "what a day at work!" I chased people down, wrote mean emails, played art director with the copywriter, and still barely managed to get the job done. I almost feel like I'm being set up for failure...and I don't like that feeling. Argh...I care not to think on it right now.

Right now is time for sleep so I can get up and finish packing and get to work relatively early so I can leave early on our lovely half day. In any case, PEACE!...and if you don't hear from me for a few days, its because I'm enjoying my mini-vacation.

Mr. Right Now?

I hung out with my roommate tonight and it was so fun. Its nice to finally have a roommate that I can hang out with and relate to.

On an unrelated note, a friend of mine asked me a good question that I think a lot of women can relate to..."why am I attracted to a guy just because he's the only one around?" (not physically in the room, but in your consideration set) interesting, right? I'm not sure I even know the answer, but I know I have the same feeling sometimes. Like when you meet a guy that you aren't necessarily attracted to, but you agree to go on a date with him because you have no other date offers on the table. Or you find yourself wanting to call a guy that isn't so nice to you just because there are no other guys calling you. It's frustrating for me because I like and want to be independent but I find myself always interested in a guy at all times (not necessarily in an I-want-to-marry-this-guy sort of way, just an it'd-be-nice-to-get-to-know-him-better way). Maybe its because we are meant to be with a man, so when there isn't a potential someone around we create one so that we can feel like we are on the path to that end. Or maybe its because everyone desires intimacy, no matter where it comes from, whether physical or emotional, and when there is no one around to provide that you kind of latch on to the next closest thing.

Who knows really? All I know is that I have these feelings sometimes...as does my friend. If you have any thoughts on the matter, please do share.

Coelho

I think I discovered a new author of interest today. Paulo Coelho. I've read his work before (The Alchemist) which I followed with the Celestine Prophecy and turned out to be a very enlightened introspective time for me. I like how he writes about life and love and one's personal journey to find whatever it is they are searching for. So I've decided (at the prompt of the New York Times and their article on Coelho's new book Zahir) that I'm going to take on reading more of his work. His outlook on religion and questions about life also intrigues me. He is a self proclaimed Catholic, but seems more spiritual than religious, able to open his arms to several different religions in his writing. It's also kind of inspiring to read about where people came from and how their writing has evolved, as well as reading and imagining their stories come to life in my own overactive mind. (It doesn't hurt that I don't have cable either...I actually think not having cable is a blessing in disguse because you realize how much people's lives revolve around what they see on TV, discussions, ideas, everything) Oh, sorry, off on a tangent there. So, yeah, I'm going to take on Coelho and hopefully be inspired to take on a long held secret dream of my own.

Exhausted

AFTERNOON:
I'm still exhausted from this weekend's move and shopping, plus a day full of work (read: chasing people around to get stuff done and done right), and the thought of going home to scrub the kitchen floor on my knees with brush in hand (because a mop truly would not do the job). I really just want to take a nap. Me and my eyelids are in a fight to the death. Oooh, Sleepy tiredness. Otherwise, I can't wait to go home.

EVENING:
Now I'm really exhausted. I just finished scrubbing my once disgustingly dirty now somewhat more clean kitchen floor Cinderella-style (on hands and knees with brush). It's the only way I felt confident about how clean the floor would be. Anyway, I'm done with that and relaxing now. I really want ice cream, but I had some two nights ago, so I figure I better not get in the habit of having it all the time or else I'll turn into an ice cream loving water buffalo. Speaking of growing round, I need to go to the gym. I always mean to, but somehow haven't had the time between hurting my back and apartment searching. Now that I'm getting settled into my place, I could probably start going to the gym again...or cancel my membership so I can take advantage of Central Park and East River Park, since I now live so close!

In any case, I'm off to relax and think about not eating ice cream.

What a day *sigh*

Oh my...I'm so spent! Today all I did was shop for the new apartment. No socializing, no fiddly-farting, no lolly-gagging, nada but shopping. Now, don't get me wrong, I can shop with the best of them (and love to), but it is hard trying to figure out what you need versus what you want versus what you must have right now just to survive. Pots, pans, silverware, Mr. Clean, shower curtain, groceries, a curtain, a plunger (that, by the way, doesn't work AT ALL...I didn't think it was possible), and a whole host of other odds and ends that you don't think you need until you don't have them. It's amazing. But after trekking all across the city looking for things and getting back to my apartment and assembling everything, I'm so exhausted. I don't feel like I really got a weekend at all, because yesterday I moved and today I shopped. Now its almost Monday and I'm so tired. At least my boss isn't there tomorrow. Whenever he is away things are always quieter and slower. I just have to make sure things get done, which is generally what he does when he is here. Its different for me though, because no one listens to me...I'm just the junior account person.

Anywho...lets not get ahead of ourselves, its still the weekend. Oh, so I decided to go out dancing last night with some friends, and it turned out to be...how shall we say...aight. I mean there were definitely some good songs to dance to every now and again, and the DJ was really amazing, but I only knew my two friends and they don't dance like I like to dance and the guys there were subpar and kind of skeezy. One guy had the audacity to grab me when I walked by..."um, EXCUSE ME, do I know you?" **eyebrows raised glaring giving him the once over** It was like a meat market, and that's not my type of place. I'm into places where you can dance all night long with a small (or large) group of friends and never have to stop cuz the song sucks or some creepy guy is trying to dance with you. I love gettin' my JAM on! That's why I'm especially excited for my birthday, I can't wait!

Alright, back to putting things together and making my apartment a home (at least for the next year).

The Move-In

I finally moved into my new apartment today!!! Hooray! I can't believe it. Sure, the only furniture I have is a queen sized air mattress that barely fits in my room, but at least I have nice hardwood floors that I'm not afraid to walk on with my bare feet, and I no loner have to worry about the funk that wafts up the stairwell to sting my nostrils. It was pretty decent there for a first apartment, but this one definitely wins out, although my room is much smaller. I'll actually get to use the common space and the appliances aren't from 1950. Excited about that!

And I got to hang with one of my good friends from high school who graciously agreed to help me move! Nice guy, that one, that's why I keep him around. But it made me think about who my real friends are and why more of them weren't around to help out. Irene showed up, which is true Irene form as she is always looking out for her friends. She's a keeper too. But the others I have to wonder about. Most of them Manhattanites by birth, and it makes me think there is something in the water here that makes people think about friendship differently. If one of my friends was moving (which many of them have over the years) I would be right there to help if they asked me. In any case, one of my friendships was thrown into question by a complete lack of concern or interest in me or helping me....well more than that a selfishness that I have tried to deny for a long time. I have fun with this person and really like their friends so I'll probably keep 'em around, but it makes me wonder.

Anyway, I'm off to get ready for a big night out dancing til I can't dance no mo'! Holla at a playa lata!

The Apartment is Ours

So I finally closed on my new apartment with my old college buddy Liz! I move in this weekend, can you believe it?!? I never thought New York was such a ridiculous place to move into, but hey, turns out, it is! I had to sign my lease papers at the brokers office, go to the Management companies office for an interview, now I have to go meet the super at this apartment to get my keys. Isn't there a way to consolidate all this nonsense so I only have to go one place in order to get it all done? I guess that would be asking for too much though huh? Blah! Well at least its almost all taken care of and I can move out of my current place tomorrow.

I'm also supposed to go check out this bar/club tomorrow night (after I finish moving) for my joint birthday bash with my friend Alex. Now, he's not coming with he, he's away, but I have to rally a crew who likes to drink and dance to go with me. I don't know if I can, especially since most of my friends are guys and the fantasy football draft is tomorrow night! Maybe I'll invite one of my new friends, like some of the cool peeps I met from Michigan, or cute boy I met last weekend. Who knows, all I know is that I will certainly be incredibly tired and ready for a drink once tomorrow is over.

Wahoo!!!! The weekend is here!!!!

Dating Uncertainty

So I must admit, I'm trying out the online dating scene. A few weeks ago I mentioned it in one of my entries, and the uncertainty of the idea, but I figured "heck, if I don't give it a try myself, I'll never know for sure." Well...the results are mixed. I have gotten some WAY off the mark guys responding to my profile, and none that really really pique my interest. I think my conclusion is that I am a social butterfly, right? And in order for me to know if I'm interested in someone, I have to spend time with them, talk to them, see how we interact together. It's not just about how the person looks and what they say about themselves in a 2000 character box. I mean, the time I spent trying to craft my profile seems futile every time I go back and read it. I feel like it only expresses one dimension of who I am, and the terms people use to describe themselves are so vague (i.e. fun-well my definition of fun could be laughing all night long, and yours could be taking a girl home with you...). It's just so hard for me to read people online, so I think I'm sticking to real life dating. I'll keep my profile up just to see, but I think real life definitely trumps online!

Another thought...so a few of my guy friends think that I'm always interested in their friends (which isn't entirely false if you know my friends-of-friends dating theory), and they like to tease me about it. So I take it in stride, and it is partially true, but I'm interested in their friends in a he-seems-like-a-nice-guy-and-I'd-like-to-get-to-know-him-better sort of way, not the way I imagine these boys are thinking. The point is, I met another friend of a friend on Saturday who really seemed to be interested, and I want to see him again, but I didn't get his number. He and our mutual friends asked me to play poker with them (although they know I don't really know how to play), but I know they won't call because that's the way they are. Should I call them and invite myself?? Or should I just wait it out and let fate take its course? If we meet again, great! If not, it wasn't meant to be. I have no idea, that's why I'm putting it out there....help!

Tuesday and Almost Homeless

Today my future roomie and I submitted our applications for an apartment that we were approved for. Don't get your hopes up. This does not mean we will get the apartment because now after all of this trouble that we went through to secure the place with ridiculous deposits and such, the landlord's nephew is interested in the place and if he likes it he gets it. Let's talk about unfair. NYC is the most ridiculous apartment market that I have ever seen. I told my roomie if we get this place, we are not moving for a long long LONG time.

On a completely unrelated topic, I'm on this big dating kick...not so much going on dates, but wanting to. So I'm trying to figure out what types of things I like in a guy because I've never really really thought about it. I can identify what I don't like, but not necessarily what I want. But I met this great guy on Saturday night at a friend of a friends birthday party, and I adore him. The things that drew me to him the most were that we made each other laugh and we shared similar experiences even though we went to different universities. He definitely seemed interested but didn't get my number because he was sure we'd see each other again (as we have mutual friends). The point is, I figured out that I really like guys who make me laugh and can relate to me and vice versa. I met another guy on Sunday at another party who was cute and had great eyes, but he made me feel like an idiot whenever I spoke. He didn't laugh at my stupid jokes and had this condescending look on his face the whole night...needless to say I didn't spend much time with that one, but its interesting to see two guys who are both cute and have potential, but the one who made me laugh definitely wins out in my book.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for the day. Stay and read a while, I think you'll like it.

Life's a Stage...

I'm in an obnoxiously good mood today for no apparent reason at all. I have a huge meeting that I am not particularly prepared for, but although it's Thursday its my last day at work this week. Tomorrow i go to Altanta to see my sister and celebrate my mom's 50th birthday. Good times! But it makes me wonder why some days I'm in a grumpy mood and others I'm in a good mood. It clearly has nothing to do with how much sleep I get because I didn't get that much and didn't want to get up this morning. Who knows...

On a different note, one of my friends had a viewing of her photos from Cuba last night, and they were amazing. She really is a great photographer, and I was glad she invited me to take part in her adventure and her art. Check her out at www.positiveprint.com. But I met three of her friends who are incredibly interesting. I always meet people in NYC who I would never meet anywhere else. One of them was this guy who happens to be gay, but is living with this woman who he just had a baby with. I'm very confused by the whole situation, and I wanted to make a Will and Grace comment about it, but I held back because I don't know them that well. Then we talked about the two taboo things in conversation with people, politics and religion. Very interesting indeed. New York is full of interesting exchanges that shape who we are and become a part of our screenplay.

Boys and relationships

So all weekend I was bombarded with talk of boys and relationships...of which I have neither. I guess its not so bad without the pressures of society, but those pressures are always there, right? What is it that makes us think/feel we have to be with someone to truly be happy? And even if you are with someone, that doesn't mean you'll be happy, it just means you're with someone. I'd rather wait it out to see if I'll find Mr. Right-for-Me than be with someone just because society makes me feel like I am less than whole without someone.

On a related note, what do we think of online dating? I used to be opposed to it, but living in a city as vast and somewhat difficult to meet people in, it becomes increasingly appealing, no? I don't know. I have great friends, and am a strong believer in the friends-of-friends policy (read, the best way to meet a potential interest is through friends of friends). Lucky for me, most of my friends in the city are guys, so , of course they have a plethora of guy friends. The trick is to find one who I really click with.

In any case...I have been plagued with thoughts like these all weekend, so I welcome Monday! No more talk of dating etc. for at least three days until I go to a friends house party...then all bets are off!

Different Opinions

Have you ever had two completely different reactions from others on one of your personality quirks?? I had that today. I tend to say "I know" a lot when people give me advice. I don't say it in a way that means stop telling me that because I already know what you're getting at, but more in the sense of I realize what you're telling me, now I need to figure out what I'm going to do about it.

So at one point in the past someone told me that I shouldn't say that because it was prideful and gets in the way of me improving my character...okay, duely noted. But today, my mentor just smiled and said you're going to say that to your kids one day in an I-know-you-don't-want-to-do-it-and-I-empathize-but-do-it-anyway sort of way. It was nice the way he meant it and viewed it as part of my personality that would be treasued by future generations rather than something I should change.

Sure there are things about my character that could use a little tweaking, but I am who I am, and I'm rather happy with that girl right now. Let me get to know her first before you tell me to change her.

Information Ransom

I remember when I used to be able to look at the Forbes 100 Best Companies to Work for list without being charged. Maybe that makes me sound old, but it was only 2 or 3 short years ago. Increasingly I see more and more companies taking information that used to be open access on their websites and charging consumers to view it. They are holding their information RANSOM so they can make a buck. It’s sick how the internet is evolving. I realize its increasingly necessary for companies to increase profit by utilizing new technologies, but come on, all I want to know is if a company I work for or am applying to is rated among the best. It should be that simple.

Personality and Attractiveness

You know how people always say that a beautiful person can become ugly if they have a bad attitude, and a less attractive person can become more attractive if they have a great personality? Well, I kind of experienced that this weekend. I hung out with one of my guy friends, with whom there is an admitted attraction, but he was so mean to me, and somewhat disrespectful. He didn’t trust anything I said, whether it was where a local place to eat was, or which movie theatre we were supposed to go into. That really makes me mad. Then he had the nerve to tell me to shut up. He was just whiny and not nice the whole time. He crossed the line, and thinking back on past times where we’ve hung out, I realized that he’s never really been that nice. Oh well.

Then there’s the issue of giving a guy your phone number. If you give him your number, aren’t you supposed to wait for him to call? That’s what I always thought, but is that playing games? I hate playing games. If it were up to me, I’d call whenever I felt like it…which now that I think about it, maybe I should. And not to sound like a stalker, but if I want to hang out over the weekend, why shouldn’t I call him? I don’t understand the whole dating scene…I wish I could just be truthful and say “hey I’m interested in getting to know you better, wanna hang out” but I’m afraid of what everyone is…getting rejected. Ah, who knows…maybe I will call, I’ll keep you updated.

If you have an opinion, let me know.

The Rich in Their Playground

It’s not fair. Today Colin Powell and Kliener Perkins Caufield & Beyer announced that he will be a partner in this monolith of a venture capital firm. He won’t have to spend much time there (keeping his current residence in VA and working out of the Alexandria office), mainly serving as a consultant in how potential companies will fit into the ever evolving global technological marketplace. The thing that really gets me though, is that he is doing all these other things on the side, i.e. lecturing at tens of thousands of dollars per speech, investing in a health care holdings company – Revolutions, being in part of a group trying to purchase the Washington Nationals, and serving as a member on several nonprofit boards.

It doesn’t seem fair because most people have these lofty aspirations of owning their own business or something, but Powell gets to do these things mainly because he has a lot of money. How does 35 years of military experience parlay into health care companies, baseball or biotech/tech venture capitalism?? I don’t get it.

I’m struggling just to maintain a “normal” lifestyle paying one entire paycheck just for rent, and this guy is dabbling in whatever he pleases. When I get filthy rich, watch out world, here I come!

The Opposite Sex

Have you ever been interested in someone of the opposite sex (or same sex depending on your orientation) and known that they were out of your reach but still had hope? It’s kind of like the whole college application process, right? You apply to schools you’re pretty sure you’ll get into and really want to go to. You apply to schools that you are certain you’ll get into, but aren’t too thrilled about going there – safety schools. And you apply to schools that you really want to get into, but are slightly out of your reach – reach schools.

I think guys can fall into those same categories. There are the guys who you’re pretty sure are interested in you, and you could date them if you wanted. There are guys who would definitely date you, but you’re not too excited about dating them. Then there are those gorgeous, smart, athletic, nice guys who you would love to date, but seem slightly out of reach.

I met a guy who falls into the last category this weekend…I think. I secretly hope that he falls into the first category, and is truly as nice as he seems, but there’s no telling yet. It’s too early. He is very handsome, athletic and nice, albeit quiet at times. It wouldn't be so bad if he fell into that last category though...a lot of people get into their reach schools, right? Our interaction this weekend spawned this whole thought process, so I thought I’d share. I’ll keep you updated.

Fear-0, Lysandra-1

- What a great weekend! Great weather, good friends and sports…you can’t ask for more than that. I went to my first water polo match, and it was great! We watched the US vs Russia (the US Keeper is a friend of a friend), then we watched Croatia vs Hungary. That game was incredible, more for the fans and their enthusiasm. If you couldn’t see the crowd, you’d swear it was a World Cup Soccer match, they were chanting and wearing flags, it was true love of sport and country. Then on Sunday we went to Central Park to play sports, chill and enjoy the weather. It was so beautiful out.

- Then I had this moment Sunday, when I did something I was afraid to do, but knew I had to. I was nervous and my heart was beating so fast, but after I did it I felt so good. I couldn’t stop smiling. It was a mini-triumph! Good times!

No Olympics in 2012 for NYC :-(

- So that was a bust. Apparently I’m not too consistent with my writing, so I’ve missed two weeks of blogging. Here’s the quick recap of events missed:

• I surprised my mom for her graduation (she got her MA in Public Adminstration). She was totally NOT expecting me to come, so that was fun!
• NYC did not get the Olympics, unfortunately. No one knows yet it they will bid again, but things are looking bleak since the USOC has already decided to open up bidding for 2016, giving New York no special preference.
• My sister came to visit for a weekend. We shopped, went sight seeing, shopped, ate fun ethnic foods, shopped, went to Central Park, and shopped. All in all a good time!

- Other than that, I wrote an entry on the blog we have at work about people being more friendly to co-workers (read just say hello to people in the hallway), and all I got was cynical remarks about how New Yorkers don’t do that. Whatever, at least now I know where they stand, and I don’t have to feel bad that people don’t speak in the halls. I tried.

Word of the Day...it's HUGE!

- My word of the day this morning was Brobdingnagian! (And yes, I am that geek who gets Merriam Webster's word of the day in my inbox every day in an effort to expand my vocabulary!) What a useful word. It means marked by tremendous size. Who needs to use huge, or immense, or any other such word to imply the grandeous nature of an object when Brobdingnagian is in your short list of relevant terms? I'm a big fan!

- In other news, I'm realizing that life in the big (or Brobdingnagian) city is...different-for lack of a kinder word. I was getting on the subway this morning-the 4/5 Uptown-with a great number of others, and this poor guy was merely trying to get off the train seconds after the door opened while everyone in the station was pushing him back onto the train. In the end, his girlfriend (or whoever she was) had to push through the crowd, grab his arm, and pull him off the train. I was trying to get out of his way, but the people behind me were pushing and shoving me onto the train. It was completely rude, and all the while we're standing on the words so kindly painted on the platform "Stand Aside". The whole situation reminded me of how selfish, singularly focused and inconsiderate people in this city can be, and encouraged me to try hard not to fall prey to the same impertinent behavior.

Stable Theory??

- So I heard about this theory today, the "stable horse" theory. A guy I know described it something like this: A guy has a bunch of girls who he's seeing, like a jockey with a stable full of horses. The guy should take each horse out for a little exercise every once in a while, but only often enough so that she doesn't get bored or start wondering where he's been. What is that?? Who has theories like these. Like that crap really works? I mean, I guess there are females out there who would be blind enough not to notice that the guy they've been dating is mysteriously vague about his whereabouts when he's not with her. But are we, females, to be treated as horses, taken out only periodically, serving the sole purpose of satisfying our jockey?? I think not.

- On an unrelated note, it's only Wednesday, but it totally feels like Thursday. Two more days of work until the weekend comes to rescue us all. The bright side - this weekend promises to be good. Birthday party on Friday, John Legend in Central Park on Saturday, relaxation on Sunday. I cannot wait!

BLoG aLL aBouT iT DeBuTS!

- Welcome to the inaugural edition of BLoG aLL aBouT iT. I figured it was time to jump on the blog train, since "everybodys doing it". So what better topic to start my blog with than blogs! They are permeating the web with topics covering politics, nonsense, daily activities, sports, and more. Even advertising is waging war in the blog mediascape. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that particular venue for advertising yet, but hey, what medium has advertising not got its hands on?? It seems that blogs are the way the next generation is going to express its opinions in a mass forum. You see bloggers on CNN, awards for the best blog, church blogs, and intra-office blogs. Blogs that cover serious topics, and those that cover the everyday goings on of friends. My hope if that my blog covers some of those topics and more. I'm not here to make a statement on anything in particular (and if that changes, believe you me, you'll know) just to put my opinions out there. If you have opinions you'd like to share or an idea/topic you want me to ruminate over, feel free to leave me a comment!