Job Security

You know how job security is soo important in a decision to take a new job? Well I thought I had that when accepting my current job, but it turns out, not so much. Five people in our production department got fired yesterday out of the blue. No reasons (that I know of), no downsizing (we actually won a huge piece of new business this week), all levels from assistants to fairly senior people who have been here for years. It was very surprising and shocking and makes me fear for my job. I remember learning that there are two ways to motivate people...make them feel valued like a necessary part of the whole or strike the fear of God into them. Now, the former gets work done, but its not of as high quality as the latter. People do just enough work so they don't get fired. When you feel like you are a necessary value added part of a team you go above and beyond your requirements because you have a vested interest in the success of the whole. I don't necessarily feel that way here. On several projects I try to catch all the mistakes so I don't get in trouble, but that doesn't allow me to spend time with the aesthetic aspects that could add so much more value (which is important in my industry). It's kind of a shame, and reminds/shows me how I want to run my organization. I do have some inspirations though, Clif Bar, Patagonia, Pepsi, Moosejaw...all of which, from what I know about them, value their employees, their lives, and their contributions to the whole. I think the difference is these organizations are integrated into the lives of the employees...they are not going to a job, but to work at contributing to an organization that they are a part of and truly believe in.

Anyway, let me get off my soapbox. I feel like I've been on it all week long, and it's time to get down. I'm soo glad the week is almost over...it's been incredibly exhausting and crazy at work, so tonight it's drinks or ice cream...either will do the trick! Have a good one ;-)

PS
No date for tonight, so I failed our little agreement...he's out there somewhere, so no worries...

Party Pix!!!

So it's all about partying on your 24th birthday, right?? So I thought I'd share some pictures so that you can imagine that you were there with me...shake it don't break it ;-) To the left is me and my friend Jon workin' it on the dance floor. We danced for like five straight hours....INSANITY!

And this is us in our train having a riduculously great time. It really was one of the most fun nights I've had in New York. Everyone should have one of those nights where you're out with your friends and not really thinking about who you're going to meet, but just shakin' what yo' momma gave ya 'til the DJ starts slowin' it down and they gradually turn the lights back on...at 4AM!



And these are some of my other friends who were in attendance. The party was hoppin;, the alcohol was flowin' (for better or worse), and the beats were thumpin'!! Good times had by all!









Oh, and I should mention that I borrowed these images from my joint birthday buddy's website, thanks Alex ;-)

Enough!

Enough of this whining poor me crap. I'm okay without a guy, and hey, my life doesn't hinge on the fact that I have one. I am an intelligent, skilled, fun, athletic, cute, strong-willed, diva of a young lady livin' it up in NYC. No need to fret. If there's a Mr. Right-for-me out there, so be it. If not, so be it still.

That's all for me now...

Discovery??

This could be a discovery...maybe I can't find a guy to date because a lot my friends are guys, and when I'm out with them no other guys approach me??? Or maybe because I don't give off the "come-over-here-and-talk-to-me-cuz-I'm-fun-and-funny-and-care-free" vibe (I've been told that before...I can be a bit unapproachable). Or maybe guys are just flat intimidated by me (that is, of course, my favorite because its always nice to think that you are soo charming, intelligent, and beautiful that guys just can't imagine that a girl like you could possible be interested in a guy like them ;-) ). But what is it really?

I'm surrounded by all these beautiful ladies (my girls) who have NO problems finding guys to ask them on dates, in fact, they epitomize one of my male friend's "Stable Theory" for women. Then there's me. Perhaps I am too picky or too critical or too hopeless (read: given up on finding a guy), but who really knows. I'd be interested in knowing what my boys (or girls) have to say on the subject...so if you're reading this, give me your two cents, I won't be hurt...be honest.

In any case, I'm going to try, like I said yesterday, to stop looking so that perhaps in my "unsearch" I'll bump into an interesting guy. Who knows??

Friends and Lovas

It's funny, you leave college with a few close friends that you are sure you'll stay in touch with over the years, and then those that you'd like to stay in touch with but figure it will be one of those every few months we have a good conversation sort of things. Now that I'm out of college for two and a half years, that has been turned on its head. I'm pretty good friends with people who I wouldn't have thought I would be (and glad to have them back in my life). We reunited at weddings or birthdays or through facebook, and it's pretty cool. It's a welcome change and they are cool people, so I'm happy about that.

On a different note, back to birthday weekend...my friends tried to find me a guy, but didn't find any (as I mentioned yesterday), and I starting thinking about how it would be nice to have a boyfriend...yeah I said it. I was talking to my roommate about it since she is dating this guy who is in Iraq right now, and she's like "you know, you usually find a guy when you stop looking." Now, I've heard that before, so its no big surprise to me, but as I'm sitting there ruminating about it I'm thinking how it's not that I'm actively looking, but that no matter what I do it's always on my mind. Friends are getting engaged and married, others are dating amazing guys all over the world, then there's me...hopelessly single. No matter where I go or what I do, I never seem to meet guys who are interested in me or vice versa. Maybe it's because lately I've been looking (perhaps subconsciously), but I can't figure out how to stop looking. It's always in the back of my mind...how do you stop looking for a guy? I'm going to try to enjoy being single (well...I always do anyway) and not think about finding a guy.

If you have any suggestions on not thinking about boys....PLEASE let me know.

Huge Success!

Birthday weekend was a huge success. My cheer friends from Penn came in for the weekend, I trapezed, I ate, and most importantly I danced. Good times all around! I'm too tired from last night to write much more, but needless to say, I danced for five hours straight...and hooked one of my girls up with one of my New York friends...job well done!

I'll write more later!

Parties, Engagements, & Babies!

The party's almost here, and I'm so excited. I can hardly contain myself, its unbelievable. I haven't been so excited for a party in so long, so I can only hope it lives up to expectations. I'm pretty sure it will since all that matters is that my friends will be there, and they will. Good times.

On a different note, more engagements and now a baby!! What?!? One day, I swear, it will be me announcing my engagement, but until then, I'm happy to hear of the news of good friends finding the loves of their lives, and starting families. I never thought the day would come (at least not so soon) that my friends would start having babies. But I guess it's that time. Most people have babies about 2 years after they get married, and now is that time for my friends. I just went through a wave of weddings now the wave of babies starts...whew! I'm excited though, I walk by Baby Gap on my way home from work, so now I'm imagining my friends little one's in cute Gap clothes. Insane, I never thought those words would come out of my mouth (or off the keyboard) so soon.

Anywho, we'll see what this weekend holds in store, I'm sure I'll have stories to tell when it's over!!!

Sorry?

I realized something about myself today (although, I guess I already knew it subconsciously)...I have an aversion to apologizing. It's strange I know, but reality. I think it's because in a Management class in college, we did a case study on the differences between men and women in management roles, and why men tend to be more successful. One of the discoveries was that overall women tend to apologize more than men and men see apologizing as a sign of weakness. I guess I internalized it more than I realized, since that case study has hung soo closely to me for almost five years. Since that day, subconsciously, I think I decided only to apologize when absolutely necessary. I don't want to be seen as weak, and I don't want to not succeed because I'm a female, so I try to take what I've learned (including not admitting that I don't know something at work) and apply it to my life in an attempt to be successful on my terms. (I feel crazy when I re-read this though)

It's bizarre though, I have a physical reaction when I have to apologize, almost like a nervous reaction or frustration. I have to work myself up, take a few deep breaths, suppress my own insecurities and tackle the situation head on. As a result, I don't apologize as often as I should...so if in the past I have offended you in some way, realized it and not apologized, I'm doing it now...I'm sorry.

Weird how one little essay can change the way we live our lives...

GO STATE!

The day is fast approaching!! The most amazing birthday party to hit NYC (...so says me) is only six short days ways, and I can't wait. I've already had friends call me and tell me how psyched they are to be coming, so if you're reading this and I didn't invite you stop by Branch on the 24th. The party planner himself has set up expectations for those dancing guys...its on, so wear your dancing shoes. Oh, and I bought part of the outfit today...so cute!

Anyway, so I'm running out of time for this date in September. Remember me and a couple friends made this agreement to go on a date before the end of the month?? Well, next weekend is kind of a bust unless I get a Sunday late brunch or dinner date (which is possible but not likely). We'll see.

Oh yeah, how could I possible forget...Michigan State whomped on Notre Dame Saturday!!! GO STATE!! It was a great game, and I have to give ND credit, they did give MSU a run for their money, but in the end greatness prevailed! Did I mention...GO STATE!!

And if you have any interesting topics you want to hear my opinion on, feel free leave a comment and I'll gladly write. Enjoy your Sunday!

Is he really interested?

Why is it that when you've finally resolved in your head to get over a guy, he shows up in your life and actually seems interested? After weeks of seeming uninterested and not returning my phone call, he appears again and I have decided to just be casual and not pay him too much attention because he's obviously not interested if he can't call back. And he talks to me, asks me questions that he already knows the answers to, tries to break the silences between us. But I just sit back and think:

"You could have had this, but you were too weak/afraid/small/intimidated to step up when you had the chance, now the time has passed".

Yeah, that may be a little harsh, but come on. I put myself out there giving him my number (for which he reciprocated), then called him a week and a half later just to say what's up and he didn't call back...and that was 2 months ago. I'm sorry dude, you missed the boat. It's frustrating though, because part of me wants to give in and give him another chance, after all he is really cute and Hawaiian and he surfs. But my other (I venture to say smarter, wiser, more logical, realistic) half tells me:

"Don't do it girl. He wants you now because he can't have you. Don't give him that satisfaction."

But am I depriving myself of the same satisfaction that I won't let him have?? I doubt it, because the instant I start acting interested, he'd be uninterested yet again. No game playing for me. If he decides one day that he wants to take a ride on the L-train, he will have to get the guts to call me and outright ask me on a date. I wouldn't be so evil as to turn him down then, but I'm not playing his games. I'm not asking him out again. I'll be his friend, but that's it.

Guys, what's the deal with that?!?

Simmer

You know its bad when you almost start crying at work because you miss your old boss...

What an emotional week it's been (since last Thursday), with job stuff and friend stuff (I know its vague but I can't just go putting my whole self out there on the web). Let me just say that finding a job that really suits you with people that you like who challenge you and look out for you is incredibly hard to find. I miss my old boss because he knew what I was trying to get out of my job and threw me into the projects that would get me there. Now, at times I think I'm not being aggressive enough about seeking out opportunities to excel, but at other times I think I've put myself out there and am constantly asking how I can help, but no one cares. I'm not being challenged intellectually, and if I left this job today I wouldn't have ANY new skills under my belt (which is somewhat sad considering I've worked here for nearly 6 months). I need more, I need intellectual stimulation.

And on the friend front, its just been exhausting. I love love love hanging out with my friends, and miss those that aren't near, but sometimes I put pressure on myself to hang out everyday, and that gets tiring. I forget that I need Lysandra time or Lysandra might just poop out on me. I know its bad when at the end of the day I have a killer headache and I wake up with a sore back...that's stress and worry right there.

Anyway, my heart, mind and body have had a workout these past few days, so I just need some down time to simmer.

Coelho Reviewed

Today is kind of a blah day. I watched football all day yesterday, and was exhausted by 11pm...I think I'm getting old. But it was fun. We watch Michigan's disappointing loss against Notre Dame, parts of Iowa/Iowa State, and Texas/Ohio. So I think I'm footballed out for the weekend. I know there are huge NFL games today, but really, I've had my fill and I have to get ready for Monday Night football tomorrow. I think I'll just read a book today.

Speaking of which, I mentioned in a previous entry that I was taking on Paulo Coelho, right. So far I have read The Alchemist, By the River Piedra I sat and wept, and I am currently reading Eleven Minutes. So far, the Alchemist is my favorite, and I'm finding the others a little...something. I can't quite place it yet. They are definitely interesting in that I want to keep reading them til I'm finished, but I'm not sure how I feel about them yet. They require a fair amount of concentration and intellectuality to read and comprehend, which is neither good nor bad. And the subject matter is intriguing, exploring love as emotion vs decision, sex within and outside the context of love and life's journey. Like I said, the verdict is still out. When I finish a couple more of his books I'll let you know if I've come to a conclusion.

In any case, I might go enjoy the weather today and read in the park.

11 Things I Love to Hate:

1. Babysitting grown people
2. The assumption that I should know what's going on with something that no one has ever spoken with me about.
3. Dishonesty/Deception
4. Making mistakes (myself)
5. Feeling nauseous
6. Looking for an apartment in NYC
7. Not going on dates :-(
8. Having chemistry with a guy who has a girlfriend
9. Fake people
10. The Teddy K's of the world
11. Screaming kids on airplanes

Red Hot...

I'm red hot right now! I know for sure that the nomad in me is absolutely right. Now that I think about it, she has never been wrong, but today I know without a question that its time. Unfortunately I'm reminded of a previous chapter where these same things happened, and I let them drag on for a year before my nomad got the best of me. Not this time, not this time. The 22nd marks a milestone that will undoubtedly change everything.

The Party is On!

It's official...my 24th birthday party is on! My good friend Alex and I are throwing a killer bash that is bound to set some records in NYC. A good 100+ people on the invite list plus friends...it should be a good time all around. Frankly, I am incredibly excited, this is the first birthday party I've thrown personally since high school. It's gonna be good.

In other related news, my inability to sit still for too long has returned. Hopefully something will come along that makes me want to stay put...at least for a little while.

Oh, and I made a deal with some friends (all girls of course) that we would each go on a date before the end of the month. I don't know about that, but I gotta try, right? So if you know any interesting guys who might enjoy my company or guys who's company I might enjoy, or really a guy with whom we can enjoy each others company, please let me know. I have three weeks ;-)

True Friendship

It's official! My 24th birthday party is being planned. Alex, who I must admit is spearheading the whole deal, and I are planning a killer joint birthday bash. It's bound to be off the chains with over 100 people on the invite list. Sure we still have to pick a place, but details, details...as long as people have saved the date, we're good to go. I really can't wait! I hope a lot of people show up, if even just to party for part of the night with us. I just want to dance and party with good friends.

Which reminds me...I was saddened recently by what I thought was a good friend who let me down, but in my stubbornness missed out on the very clear fact that this person is, and always has been, one person who is true to their word. I can't recall one moment when they have lied to me or misled me. Maybe omitted the truth, but never lied or misled. But I have been so jaded by the lack of honesty, sincerity, and keep-one's-word-liness that I thought this person too had fallen prey to that awful disease. To my pleasure and shame, I found out that it was all a technological failure, not a character failure that caused me to throw our whole friendship into question. Pleasure because this person's strong character holds true, and my shame because I never should have doubted this person or been soo stubborn.

Crazy, isn't it, how one small thing can try to destroy a lifetime worth good times?

Labor Day is over, Work is here.

We took a break from the blog for the holiday! Labor Day weekend turned out to be interesting at the very least. I got to hang out with my sister, go dancing ATL style (like I said they weren't ready for this), went to a beautiful wedding, and saw old friends. It was nice.

I can't really give the play by play right now though because I'm feeling rather sick. I got home with a wicked stomach virus which left me with a fever and incapable of eating anything. I still feel nauseous, but I braved it and came to work anyway. My boss however (after a 2 week vacation) called in sick today. I'm not so sure about this whole thing. After watching "In Good Company" last night (while curled up in the fetal position in gastrointestinal agony) I'm realizing that the people I work for/with are more like Teddy K, not Dan. I liked Dan, and want to work for/be like him one day. He truly valued what he was selling and its value to the company and customer. It was about a sense of family within the organization and being ethically sound. Here its about "Syngergy" and the bottom line...awesome questions that they leave up to us to ask.

Anyway, that's just where I am, hungry, nauseous, tired, nomadically anxious...

The Not-So-Typical Guy

I made it to ATL!! Hotlanta watch out, the sista's Gibbs are in the hizouse, and you ain't ready for this! Just kidding...but really Atlanta isn't ready for me... ;-)

But on my way down I started reading By the River Piedra I sat and wept by Paulo Coelho and it got me thinking about life and love (how is that different, you may wonder). Well I was thinking about how, although I say that looks are important to me, I find myself attracted to guys because of personality somewhat exclusive of looks. For example there is a guy who is kind of goofy and slightly out of shape, but he makes me laugh and we have conversations about meaningful topics and our silence is not uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong, he isn't hard on the eyes by any means, he's kind of average, not the type of guy you would look at twice on the street. To me, though, he is more appealing than this other very handsome guy who is very athletic, handsome, and charming. But I guess this is evidenced through my history of guys...I've always liked the guy in the group that was slightly nerdy or goofy or not the norm. I definitely noticed that I'm more relaxed around guys who aren't traditionally handsome (i.e. tall dark and handsome) but have a little edge (whether that be a love for scifi, Family Guy, indy bands, poetry, cowboy boots, whatever). Could this be a result of my insecurity or simply evidence that there really is someone out there for everyone.

Anyway, random thoughts. I'm sure as I progress through this book and other Coelho books, I'll have other random thoughts that I will share. Until then, I'm in ATL, livin' it up!