Original Poetry

Inspired by Bassey Ikpi, a seminar we had at work about engaging your audience, and a boy I know...an original work by me...

Insomnia

Its happened again. Woke up this morning at 2:30AM and couldn't go back to sleep. I don't know why this always happens to me, perhaps I worry too much. In any case, I thought now was as good a time as any to share some original poetry. (Written 6.22.05...another night of insomnia):

INSOMNIA

I cannot sleep.
my thoughts engage my mind
at a time when I should be resting
ruminating, percolating
I cannot shake the voice in my head
softly whisper
sometimes screaming
my thoughts unsaid
thoughts, feelings, emotions
that I've pushed to the back
shoved in the darkest recessed of my mind
hoping that if I deny them
for just one more day
just one more hour
that maybe, just maybe
they'll fade and never return...
but that is not the case
they always, always come creeping back to me
as if to remind me of who I'm trying to be
often at the wee hours of the morning
when all the outside distraction
has disappeared
and all I'm left with are my thoughts
and the gentle hum of my air conditioner
what to do with these thoughts
these questions of character and purpose?
do I act on them
or dismiss them as an overworked mind
over-analyzing?
these thoughts are the words of my heart
my true feelings emerging from a deep sleep
at the only time I am helpless
to fight them back into their dark prison.
should I listen?
I don't know
I don't know the answers to these questions
all I do know
is that these thoughts are back
out of the darkness
whispering, screaming
tormenting my tired soul.
all I want is sleep
all I have are my thoughts.

-Gibbas24

Strike, then holiday

24F, 18F windchill, but sunshine...
That's what I'll have to brave for 40 blocks in the AM if (when) the MTA strikes. That sucks, but it will make for good stories for my grandkids..."I had to walk 40 blocks in the freezing cold uphill both ways when I was young."

But in good news, I'm going home on Saturday! There's only so much New York this Midwesterner can take until I start turning into a bitter cynical...New Yorker. When that starts, I know its time to vacation or go home. I can't wait to be away from work for an entire week an just relax and evaluate life. Good times.

Well, I'll let you know how the strike goes...

Inside Voices

Picture this: you're sitting in your cube at the office and your cubemate answers the phone and starts talking in an unknown foreign language, but at like 20 decibels louder than he/she does in English. Or on the subway, a Chinese woman and her friend essentially shouting to each other in Chinese and sitting right next to one another. Why is it that people think if they speak in another language that others may not understand they have the right to crank up the decibels? The point of using what I so kindly refer to as "inside voices" is not to disturb those around you. I guess to others the reason is to keep conversations private, but come on...I don't need to hear your business whether I can understand it or not. This morning a woman was yelling at her child in French (which I understood) on the packed subway ride to work...not what anyone needs to hear first thing in the morning. It's insane. The same rules should apply whether you're speaking English or not.

Arghhhhh!

What's your type?

When looking for a mate (not a random hook up), people say they know what their type is, but my experience has shown that to be false. I mean, we all think we know who he or she is (in my case: big, offensive lineman type guy who dresses well and gives great hugs), but when it comes down to it, I have yet to meet a guy that fits that description who I have been attracted to. Instead I'm attracted to shorter guys, taller guys, red heads, bald guys, guys with goatees, those without facial hair, big strong men, never skinny guys, etc. Now, that's all over the map, I know, and I've seen the same proven true with some of my friends.

One of them says he loves blondes, but he is attracted to all sorts of different women, from brunettes to skinny girls to athletic types to Asian women...And another friend of mine says she wants to marry a guy with blonde hair and blue eyes, but her last long-term boyfriend has brown hair and brown eyes. And yet another friend wants to date a black guy with locks, but she is attracted to all different ethnicities of men.

As for me, I really try not to make a claim (well with the exception of the aforementioned offensive lineman)...I like to think of myself as an equal opportunity sister. Although, if prodded, I could likely tell you exactly the type of guy that I do NOT want.

What does it all mean, though?? We have these preconceived notions about what we think we like, but our emotions (maybe hormones at times) tell us differently. So should we believe our minds or our hearts? I think you know what my answer would be, but what do you say?

Wrong side of the bed

Have you ever woken up in the morning on the wrong side of the bed. No matter what you do or what happens its just bad...well that was me this morning. I got up to a freezing cold apartment, cold floor, cold bathroom tiles, just cold. Brrrrrrr. Then after I got ready and out the door the subway had this ridiculous line just to get in off the street. It was like we were a herd of cattle...yuck! And people were pushing and shoving (which is typical New York), but I was fed up. Then I wait in this enormous line to get a new MetroCard, only to find out when I get to the machine that the ATM/Credit Card slot is not working. So I have no cash and have to go to CVS to get cashback...on the way out people were not getting out of my way on the stairs (read: one me going up, hundreds of others coming down), so I just stormed up anyway....BAH! So I get the cash and return to another long line, then finally get on the subway, with just enough time to realize how much I truly miss the Midwest and am considering applying to jobs there while home for the holidays. I miss the snow, the nice-ness, the cars, my mom and dad, the easy steady pace of life and its evolution (singleness, career, marriage, kids, and friends throughout). There are the downsides, like less crazy stuff going on than NYC, but I don't think I would mind that as long as my friends got together.

Anyway, I just needed to vent and rant all at once. It's been a rough morning already and it's only 10am. I'm ready for next Thursday (half day then one week vacation). So ready to be home for the holidays.

What if I get Fired?

Do we ever stop to think...what if I get fired? I had that sinking feeling today...what if I get fired? What would I do?? How would I pay my rent? How would I survive. Would it be a blessing in disguise allowing me to then pursue a career in sports or the performing arts that I truly could be passionate about? Who knows...that thought just crossed my mind today as I was thinking about my work and professional relationship with my boss. It's rough trying to figure out different people's work styles, especially when they think everything should be done their way. My best work experiences have been with managers that have observed and worked with me and learned what my good qualities are and my bad ones and advised and encouraged me to work in such a way as to maximize the good and minimize the bad. I don't have that here. It's like being thrust into someone else's reality and trying to live according to their rules even if your values and personality style differ from theirs. Like I said, it's tough. And it's especially scary overhearing conversations that could potentially be about you and how they might be getting rid of you. In all honesty, I'm more worried about my personal responsibilities than not doing this job anymore...and that's sad. I want a job where I would be incredibly sad to be leaving because I would miss the people, the work, and the cause...that's passion! What is life without passion anyway?? Not much.

Office Romance

Let's talk about it for a minute...it seems as of late, soo many people in my office are hooking up. And no, not "hooking up" but dating (but there is also a whole lot of hooking up going on, especially when there is an office party). There is a string of office romance in this place, but what do we think about it? Is office romance taboo as it was so many years ago, or has it become commonplace and acceptable since we workaholic young people spend majority of our day in the office with the same people?

I heard an alarming statistic that some 65% of people meet at work. How does that work if you're not supposed to date people you work with? I have a theory that it's a somewhat misleading statistic...you can meet someone at work then move to work somewhere else but stay in contact, so while you met them at work, you don't work with them any longer. Just a thought.

But, personally, I don't think I could date someone I work with. I am the type of person who needs my personal space and having to spend the day in the office with that person as well as traveling to and from work with them in conjunction with spending after work time with them, might just drive a sista nuts! I prefer to keep my romantic life and professional life separate. As for everyone else...date co-workers at your own risk!