Have you ever been so restless that you cannot sleep or focus on the tasks at hand? When you try to close your eyes, shut out the light of day, find solace in the sweet dreamland that welcomes you nightly, only to be poked and prodded by the thoughts you are desperately trying to escape? That's the cyclical story of my life. These days I'm running away from thoughts of deep, intense, eternal love...not that I don't want it, I do, but its very confusing. So much so that I care not to think about, but I can't escape.
I watched the movie "In Her Shoes" last night, and like "The Truth about Cats and Dogs" I, of course, identify with the not as cute frumpier sister/friend who thinks that no one could possibly love her. Weird, how that is, huh? But it ends up being a story about loss and love that is actually quite touching. And in the end there is this incredibly moving poem read called "i carry your heart with me" by e.e. cummings:
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
Great poem huh? My first thought when I heard it, then went back and reread it: I want that or a similar poem read at my wedding. Oh, and yesterday as I was listening to Yahoo! Music at work, I heard this Heather Headley song that I definitely want to be the first dance at my wedding: If it wasn't for your love. The cool thing about it is that you can view the lyrics as being about God or your love or both.
SEE! This is what I mean, no matter how I try to escape, I get pulled back in...why am I thinking about my wedding and I have no boyfriend?? Who knows! Ergg...
