Have you ever met someone who is so wonderful and seems to have this very cool life with a fantastic profession that is also their passion and an amazing boyfriend and family and they're so nice and so great and living out all the things that you wish you could have done or could do that you just hate them?!?!
I feel that way.
I mean, this girl is absolutely darling. She's beautiful and thin and living her dream and has a great boyfriend and I am ridiculously unbelievably jealous of her!! Is that bad? She has this freedom about her, like she is able to do whatever she wants and get whatever she wants and I wish I had that. I think that's why I hate her (or I hate her because she's everything I want to be). I want to be her, or at least to feel like I am free to do or get whatever I want.
I think in my mind I am limited by everything about me. I think I have to follow this path that I set out for myself when I was 14 (going to an Ivy League School, getting a big name corporate job, working for a few years, opening my own lounge, getting married somewhere in there, etc) and there is no turning back since I've already set down this path. But I know that's not true and yet somehow it terrifies me to think I can change at what seems this late stage! I can do whatever I want, but it's overcoming that fear that is so difficult. But the meantime is heartbreaking to not be following my dreams and really truly feel like I am doing the thing that I was meant to do in this life. How will I know what that is, and when will I get there?
Hmmm...
3 comments:
I've met that someone...
Older sibling...
That makes it even harder to deal with.
~or~
That person you think is living the life could also have some terrible thing going on about them that you just don't know about. Maybe you don't want to see anything bad about this person because you've already built her up in your head as your better, not your equal or lesser.
~or~
There's more to life than a good job and a great boyfriend and stuff like that.
Hello! I have been checking your blog. Can you post some more? I LOVE reading it. You need to put this together and make a book. Like Carrie did on Sex and the City! I would definately buy it! Love you, girl!
Addendum:
It's not that great to be her. Everyone has problems that tug at their heartstrings, and I recently found out about some of hers. And although it may sound mean and callous, it made me feel better to know that even those darling cute sweet ambitious girls have to struggle with their inner demons too.
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