Man-Eater

Have you ever met a boy/man (sidenote: I'm in this weird phase in my life where I'm at the age that it still feels creepy to call guys I'm interested in MEN, but it feels so juvenile to call them BOYS...what's a girl to do?) that you felt like you could eat alive! Ok, not literally, but ladies you know what I mean. A guy who is so adorable and attractive but is so incredibly intimidated by you and nervous that it's so painfully obvious that you know you could completely take advantage of the situation and him for your own guilty pleasures...

Business or Pleasure

So I met this guy last week, and encountered him again today and I must say that I am highly intrigued. He is a sales guy by profession, and it definitely comes across in his personality. (You know how you meet people who are in sales and it just seems fitting for their personality? That's him.) So the first time we met it was very serious, all business with a touch of flirtation (just the slightest bit). But today. Today was different. It was no secret that I couldn't take my eyes off him...or should I say I couldn't keep my eyes on him because I would lose my train of thought. Every time I looked up from my notes into his blue eyes the words floated lazily out of my brain via my ears. My mind turned to mush, unable to form coherent sentences resulting in "ummm"s and "uh"s. And does this man know how to flatter! Sprinkling me with subtle compliments the whole time he was there, gently embracing my hand in our parting shake, holding my gaze just as gently and slipping out of the door with a wink. I'm pretty sure I'll see him again due to our business, but I wonder if I should make a move? He did give me his number. Should I call him? I could be that bold.

Stupid Boys

It seems these days, other people can put my feelings into words better than I can. Another example if Jeannine Garafalo in The Truth About Cats and Dogs. Near the end she says to Brian:

"It's mentally exhausting feeling bad about something you can't do anything about."

That's how I am feeling these days. I always say I will keep you updated on the progress of my online dating, and alas here it is: it sucks. I tried again for two months and this is what happened: innumerable winks, 10 unique emails/guys in contact, 5 phones numbers, 2 first dates, 0 second dates, and 1 disappointing canceled first date before it even happened. Oh and one quasi-date with a guy I didn't meet online. The result of all of this nonsense and consequently waste of my time...nothing. No new friends, no second or third dates, no boyfriend, nothing, just a big fat waste of my time. All these boys (and I use that term deliberately) either didn't keep their word (by not calling me when they said they would) or told me I was too young or too "kind and gentle" for them. What bullshit! So basically these guys are looking for bitchy old women, right? Well, I'm not that woman and I can't and don't want to pretend to be! There has got to be some good ones out there right? Help me out girls!

Oh, and on a side note, if you just got engaged/married, or know someone who has, please spare me and don't tell me. I don't think that right now I can handle hearing about one more engaged person when I can't even get a second date. I know its selfish, but please bare with me for now.

I ain't built like a supermodel

Lately, song lyrics are what gets me through. When I'm having a crappy day and I can't bear to get knocked into or shoved out of the way one more time I turn on Black Eyed Peas Anxiety. When I feel like that guy that I was sure I had a connection with and really wanted to get to know better tells me that I'm too young for him...again, I listen to Goodbye My Lover. When I feel like I will be single forever because every guy I go out with never calls me back, I listen to this:


VIDEO
India Arie

Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don't
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won't
Depend on how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be the india arie

When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it's supposed to be
And I know our creator didn't make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes; I'm lovin' what I see

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be the india arie

Am I less of a lady if I don't wear pantyhose?
My mama said a lady ain't what she wears but, what she knows
But, I've drawn a conclusion, it's all an illusion, confusion's the name of the
game
A misconception, a vast deception
Something's gotta change
but,Don't be offended this is all my opinion
ain't nothing that I'm sayin law
This is a true confession of a life learned lesson I was sent here to share with
y'all
So get in where you fit in go on and shine
Clear your mind, now's the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself
'Cuz everything's gonna be all right

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I Learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be the india arie

Keep your fancy drinks and your expensive minks
I don't need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive car and your caviar
All I need is my guitar
Keep your Kristal and your pistol
I'd rather have a pretty piece of crystal
Don't need your silicone I prefer my own
What God gave me is just fine

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be [lysandra g]


I'm still learning to love myself unconditionally and I find that exceeding difficult in this city, but I'm a work in progress, so what can I say. I just want to be happy and loved...that's all anyone wants, right?

Goodbye My Lover

I heard this song first at the James Blunt concert with one of my good friends. It is truly moving, especially live! But I thought I would share:

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover Lyrics
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

It's heartbreaking, and honest, and raw...