So, now is that infamous time of year where everyone starts to make New Year's Resolutions, huh? I try to rebel most years and just forego the whole thing, but this year I'm feeling a bit guilty and so I'm going to do it. I thought, "what better place to share my zany New Year's Resolutions than with the entirety of my blog-o-sphere!" So here it is...they will probably change or be refined and things, but you'll get the jist of it:
1) Get out of New York City for at least one day a month for a little peace of mind.
2) Take advantage of the gym membership that I already pay for (either by working out 5 days a week or taking a class at the gym)
3) Tone my arms and abs
4) Work on having a more positive outlook on life and not being soo "snarky".
5) Personal goal for me to know and you to find out if I succeed!
That's all for now. I'll keep you updated on the status of all 4 (5) of these.
December 28, 2006
December 18, 2006
Rebel
I have the weight of my man back.
And my life is changing. I like the direction in which it is going for now, and most importantly I like how I feel. I feel more free than I have felt in a really long time. Free to let myself feel things for people that others once told me were inappropriate, free to let myself be loved in the way I need to be loved, and free to be happy and not feel bad about that. I'm open to all types of new situations and people, willing to let them in to know who I truly am when I'm not holding back.
And I have to say, I saw this coming from a long way off. Some would call it rebellion, but I would call it truly living. A person has got to be free to make their own choices and mistakes and not be hindered by the mistakes, rules, and regulations of their forefathers. I know that sounds extreme, but that's not how I intend it. Rules can be good and help to keep us safe, but when they hold a person back from really experiencing life people are bound to rebel sooner or later.
It's like Lauryn said "I get out of all your boxes, I get out."
And my life is changing. I like the direction in which it is going for now, and most importantly I like how I feel. I feel more free than I have felt in a really long time. Free to let myself feel things for people that others once told me were inappropriate, free to let myself be loved in the way I need to be loved, and free to be happy and not feel bad about that. I'm open to all types of new situations and people, willing to let them in to know who I truly am when I'm not holding back.
And I have to say, I saw this coming from a long way off. Some would call it rebellion, but I would call it truly living. A person has got to be free to make their own choices and mistakes and not be hindered by the mistakes, rules, and regulations of their forefathers. I know that sounds extreme, but that's not how I intend it. Rules can be good and help to keep us safe, but when they hold a person back from really experiencing life people are bound to rebel sooner or later.
It's like Lauryn said "I get out of all your boxes, I get out."
December 17, 2006
The Weight of a Man
Do you remember how it feels to have a man curled around you in bed with his arm wrapped around you? Or how it feels to have him as your blanket and feel the weight of his body?
I miss that. I had that not too long ago and now I keep meeting all these cute men but nothing weighty. Men that tell me things like, you are soo warm, I'd love to cuddle with you all night (and not just from one man, from several). And men who love my lips and make it really hard for me to resist kissing them. What's a girl to do...hardly a terrible dilemma to be in, I'll be honest, but I do miss the weight of a man. The kissing and cuddling is cool, but I miss his body, his warmth.
I miss that. I had that not too long ago and now I keep meeting all these cute men but nothing weighty. Men that tell me things like, you are soo warm, I'd love to cuddle with you all night (and not just from one man, from several). And men who love my lips and make it really hard for me to resist kissing them. What's a girl to do...hardly a terrible dilemma to be in, I'll be honest, but I do miss the weight of a man. The kissing and cuddling is cool, but I miss his body, his warmth.
December 13, 2006
I won't wait forever
I thought I would wait for him forever...I thought I would fight for him, but someone else showed me that I don't have to work that hard all alone.
Tentative
He's good...really good, but I'm nervous. I met a man who is...mmm...great...well, not on-a-pedestal-great, normal, very normal, but I'm beginning to really like him. He gives me what I need and doesn't even have to ask. He holds my hand, jokes with me, talks to me, kisses me, is concerned about me...what I want. But it scares me because in my mind he must have ulterior motives because all the guys I've dealt with in the past did. They wanted to get in my pants or wanted my friend or wanted free beer or wanted a non-sexual girlfriend stand-in. Part of me knows that he is not this way, but the other part of me is holding back tentatively until I get to know him better and find out what his true intentions are. He has been a total gentleman every time I have hung out with him so far which is comforting. And I think about him a lot and miss his voice and lips and sense of humor and hands. I like being near him. I guess I just have to know that even if I stop holding back that like/love often involves pain (usually not on purpose) and I have to be willing to risk that if I want to be with him.
December 12, 2006
Positive Energy
So I went to Atlanta for Thanksgiving to visit my sister because I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown in New York!! I mean, it's a very cool city and all, but those of us not from this glorious place often need a little peace and quiet. And since I hadn't gotten that in about 7 months, I was really due! To the point where if someone bumped into me unnecessarily on the subway, or stepped on my heel (all of which I am guilty of), I would want to flip my lid!! It was bad, and I needed to get out of here.
When I finally got to HOTlanta, my sister and I just relaxed for two days. We did a little shopping before Turkey day, but on the day itself, we just watched movies and vegged. You know how sometimes you just need to stay in your jammies all day and do nothing, think about nothing just veg. That's how it was. I mean we talked a lot about life and what going on with both of us which was also needed because my sister is really the only one who truly understands me and who I can take brutally honest comments/criticism from. It was a welcome retreat! By the 3rd day I was there my sister could tell I was feeling happier and more relaxed, and I left so too. And I decided on the plane on the way back to NYC that I was going to have a positive attitude...even if people push me around, step on me, knock me over, glare at me, I'm just going to smile, say please and thank you and carry on my merry way. I decided not to let people get under my skin and just to be the woman that my mother taught me to be.
The point of this whole story is that once I finally took a breath and exhaled, good things and good people began to cross my path. I met a man through work that is interesting and a gentleman and adorable. I dropped my groceries in the store and a complete stranger went to get a shopping cart for me and wished me happy holidays, a couple men opened doors for me and said thank you when I held the door for them, and I met another man who gave me exactly what I needed just when I needed it. I think when you embrace a positive attitude it radiates from you and people can feel that positive energy. That sounds very mystical, but I really believe its true. I very much feel calm and open to different experiences because I know I will learn from them good or bad.
When I finally got to HOTlanta, my sister and I just relaxed for two days. We did a little shopping before Turkey day, but on the day itself, we just watched movies and vegged. You know how sometimes you just need to stay in your jammies all day and do nothing, think about nothing just veg. That's how it was. I mean we talked a lot about life and what going on with both of us which was also needed because my sister is really the only one who truly understands me and who I can take brutally honest comments/criticism from. It was a welcome retreat! By the 3rd day I was there my sister could tell I was feeling happier and more relaxed, and I left so too. And I decided on the plane on the way back to NYC that I was going to have a positive attitude...even if people push me around, step on me, knock me over, glare at me, I'm just going to smile, say please and thank you and carry on my merry way. I decided not to let people get under my skin and just to be the woman that my mother taught me to be.
The point of this whole story is that once I finally took a breath and exhaled, good things and good people began to cross my path. I met a man through work that is interesting and a gentleman and adorable. I dropped my groceries in the store and a complete stranger went to get a shopping cart for me and wished me happy holidays, a couple men opened doors for me and said thank you when I held the door for them, and I met another man who gave me exactly what I needed just when I needed it. I think when you embrace a positive attitude it radiates from you and people can feel that positive energy. That sounds very mystical, but I really believe its true. I very much feel calm and open to different experiences because I know I will learn from them good or bad.
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