Interpretation

The thing about poetry is that it's open to interpretation. I wrote a poem (see below) and it's about this guy I know who is slightly mysterious and draws me in. I like him as a friend, and that's it...I also like his girlfriend, she's a cool girl. The interesting thing (or problem in my opinion) is that all of my friends who read this poem automatically assume that I have a crush on this guy (what are we, in 7th grade, who has crushes at this age??). I don't! I'm definitely intrigued by him and drawn in by his eyes (which is the subject matter of the poem), but no where do you read that I am interested in him as more than a friend...and interesting presumption and misconstrued read between the lines will lead you to a different conclusion, but my whole thing is being honest and telling it like it is, which is exactly what I did here, yet somehow people still don't get it...

Those eyes.
Seemingly unchanging.
Not an expression on his face,
yet something there
in those blue oceans
betrays the stillness of his face
trying hard to read what we think
staring deep into the windows of my soul.
I can see it
a slight twinkle of a smile
only visible through those baby blues.
His face is unchanging
but those eyes...
they draw me in
and at times I find it hard to pull away
a slight smile blatantly giving me away.
I never was much good at hiding my feelings.

Devious Underbelly

Have you ever had people in your life whose actions in and of themselves are very nice and caring, but for some reason you doubt the sincerity of their offerings or sense that there is some sort of hidden agenda. I have that with this girl I know, and I can't quite put my finger on why that is (and I also seem to be the only one who notices). Maybe because I've seen her in different situations where her fangs have come out, and have heard the negative undertone with which she speaks about others who seemingly she likes. It's very hard to say. Or perhaps it is my own insecurity and trying so hard not to be fake that I'm projecting it onto her.

Temporary Blindness

Have you ever had one of those moments when you temporarily lose sight of who you were once trying to become, even if only for a minute??

That happened to me recently, but luckily that moment was also accompanied by an epiphany! I realized that I get so caught up in what's going on around me and the inconsiderate and oftentimes ignorant things that people are doing (that seem to abound in NYC), that I forget about me. About who I am striving to become as a human being. The ultimate goals that I want to achieve in terms of my personal impact on society and simply becoming a better me. That's a shame isn't it?

But alas, we all get caught up sometimes. I just got caught up for a little too long, but I'm working on it. I remembered a quote this morning right as I woke up that shook me and awakened me back to what I was once trying to be: "...be completely humble and gentle. Be patient bearing with one another in love." I had forgotten! Perhaps because I am rebelling against an institution that once consumed me. That made me think that who I was wasn't enough, so I denied that person, and locked her deep in the recesses of me. And now am afraid to return to anything associated with that time for fear that I will end up denying me true self (the good, the bad, and the ugly) once again. But now I remember that quote that was once my mantra and helped me to become the person that I wanted to be and will once again try harder.

Terribly Single...Part Deux

About a month later, and I am having another one of those moments (from the last post). This time it's more because I want to go out and all my friends are either with their significant others, or forgot to call me back...Booo! So now, I'm stuck on a Friday night with no one to go out with...and I really want to go out. This is one of those times where I wish I had a guy to take me out, or at least just hang out with. Blah! And I'm frustrated that I'm missing a party in the Hamptons because I already have plans :-(.

In other news, it's tough living in Manhattan. You have zero personal space, and I didn't realize how much I need personal space. I think I need a vacation, and although I took a personal day today, it didn't help me get relaxed or get my attitude in check. I am thinking yoga tomorrow morning might help, but alas the first session is at 11am, and I am already committed to helping a friend move. What can I do?? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to stay relaxed and calm in this city, I'm totally open!?!!!

Anyhoo, I'm going to try to relax and enjoy what's left of my Friday night :-/