Last night my friend told me some disturbing news...that she was asked by her minister to make a choice between her fiance and the church that she attends. It's a long story, but basically she decided that she chooses God and her fiance and if that means leaving the church...so be it.
This is my conundrum with religion. Here you have a person who made a mistake but was open enough to admit that, ask for forgiveness and make changes, but in the other corner you have a minister who is being very critical and talking about how he took a lot of flack for letting her go away and how he prayed for her so much and she disappointed him. My first thought was "this is not about you". This is a about a person and a decision she made and her desire to be close to God, which is still there or she wouldn't be sitting there talking about it with the minister. And his reaction is to be mean to her and talk down to her and think about how he will look in this whole situation. It makes me mad right now just thinking about. When I heard all this I teared up. That someone who claims to be so close to God and portends to lead an entire group of people closer to God would react to this situation in such a way...I was appalled! Literally wanted to cry. I have never been so worked up for a friend in my entire life.
But do you know what this shows me? It shows me that God is God and Churches are human. Churches are run by people who are inherently flawed and prone to make mistakes. We make mistakes in how we react to people, in seeing situations clearly, in thinking of others best interests before our own, in nearly every aspect of our lives. It becomes dangerous when people think they can guide you and influence you by pressuring you to think things that may or may no be true according to the Bible. When they take out the Bible to correct and admonish you by manipulating the scriptures. That's when I can't take it anymore. I may not be a Christian by certain standards anymore, but I read the Bible and I know what's true according to it, and I know when people are using the scriptures to achieve their own means instead of Godly ones and it makes me sick.
I wouldn't encourage my friend for a second to continue going to that church. It is not a place where she can grow spiritually and be encouraged by those around her. Its a place where people are waiting for her to fall...waiting for her to make that mistake that they warned her about so they could say "I told you so". Its not the kind of environment anyone deserves to be in to be honest. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I hope she finds a better church home that encourages her more and uplifts her where her and her fiance can grow closer to God and to each other.
Apologies for the rant, but there are two things I can't stand for in this life - people hurting my friends and family, and people manipulating the Word of God. Just don't go there. You may not believe in God or you may think you know everything about the Bible, but just be sure you use it wisely and keep it in context.
July 25, 2007
July 23, 2007
Awkward Friendship
I have this friend with whom it's incredibly awkward.
We were friends a long time ago, then not for a while, not we're back friends now. But because of situations that shall remain unnamed we have developed (or maybe have always had) a weird way of interacting. Back when we were first friends, we hung out a lot and as I remember it had some good conversations while making cookies or eating ice cream and pizza. Aparently my memory is failing me because as we were hanging out recently my friend made a comment like "we never talk about our emotions." And it wasn't just the words, it was accompanied by a look and intonation of slight distain. Like it was my fault and I was inferior because I didn't talk about my emotions with her.
Now lets be clear. Because of the aforementioned unnamed reasons that we weren't friends for a while (and some other incidents that happened subsequently) I decided that I wasn't going to put myself out there with this person because it always results in me getting chastized or condemned. I don't need that. I may not be perfect (heck, no one is), but I'm not damned to hell for not being who this person thinks I need to be. I don't need that kind of burden, so I chose not to share my feelings and emotions with them. That doesn't mean that I'm being fake or not genuine...if you know me you know I'm one to speak my mind...I just don't share all aspects of my life with her. Is that soo wrong? Does that make me a bad person? It probably makes me a bad friend, but in my opinion it takes a while to rebuild a friendship, especially after what we've been through.
On the topic of rebuilding a friendship, I always thought I was the noble one (yes, I know a bit lofty of a word and I don't mean it like that, I just mean the bigger person I guess) because I reinitiated the friendship. I put the past behind me and thought I could take some steps forward by being a good friend, but now it dawns on me that perhaps this friend thinks that she's doing me a favor by befriending me and trying to save me from myself (I don't need to be saved from myself...life is a learning process and you live, you make mistakes, and you learn). I'm hanging out with her soon and after this realization I'm nervous that I'm going to get preached at, and I'm not down for that. I've never been down for that...I don't believe in getting "preached at" and I don't believe in doing that to others because its not helpful. It never helped me or people I know, it only pushes them away. I think thoughtful conversation where both points of view are acknowledged (right or wrong, left or right) is the only way to get anywhere.
I just hope it's not too awkward again when we see each other.
We were friends a long time ago, then not for a while, not we're back friends now. But because of situations that shall remain unnamed we have developed (or maybe have always had) a weird way of interacting. Back when we were first friends, we hung out a lot and as I remember it had some good conversations while making cookies or eating ice cream and pizza. Aparently my memory is failing me because as we were hanging out recently my friend made a comment like "we never talk about our emotions." And it wasn't just the words, it was accompanied by a look and intonation of slight distain. Like it was my fault and I was inferior because I didn't talk about my emotions with her.
Now lets be clear. Because of the aforementioned unnamed reasons that we weren't friends for a while (and some other incidents that happened subsequently) I decided that I wasn't going to put myself out there with this person because it always results in me getting chastized or condemned. I don't need that. I may not be perfect (heck, no one is), but I'm not damned to hell for not being who this person thinks I need to be. I don't need that kind of burden, so I chose not to share my feelings and emotions with them. That doesn't mean that I'm being fake or not genuine...if you know me you know I'm one to speak my mind...I just don't share all aspects of my life with her. Is that soo wrong? Does that make me a bad person? It probably makes me a bad friend, but in my opinion it takes a while to rebuild a friendship, especially after what we've been through.
On the topic of rebuilding a friendship, I always thought I was the noble one (yes, I know a bit lofty of a word and I don't mean it like that, I just mean the bigger person I guess) because I reinitiated the friendship. I put the past behind me and thought I could take some steps forward by being a good friend, but now it dawns on me that perhaps this friend thinks that she's doing me a favor by befriending me and trying to save me from myself (I don't need to be saved from myself...life is a learning process and you live, you make mistakes, and you learn). I'm hanging out with her soon and after this realization I'm nervous that I'm going to get preached at, and I'm not down for that. I've never been down for that...I don't believe in getting "preached at" and I don't believe in doing that to others because its not helpful. It never helped me or people I know, it only pushes them away. I think thoughtful conversation where both points of view are acknowledged (right or wrong, left or right) is the only way to get anywhere.
I just hope it's not too awkward again when we see each other.
July 11, 2007
It's been a while...
...so I thought I would give you all an update. I recently got back from a trip to Mexico with my sweetie Adam. It was absolutely beautiful and neither of us wanted to come back. It should be noted that is was a ridiculously nice hotel so we were waited on hand and foot which added to our sentiments of staying, but we had a lovely time overall. We experiences a couple nighttime thunderstorms while standing on our balcony...very romantic. We watched the sunset every night either from the beach or an oceanfront restaurant. And we totally enjoyed each other's company all day without having to worry about going to work or even what time it was. Check out some of our photos:
Sunset in Punta Mita
Moon setting in the morning
Me and Adam
Me and Adam in the sunset
Smooches!!
And in other news, life is generally going well. I've taken up Bikram Yoga which really helps me to relax and get calm. I didn't think it would have such a dramatic effect on my mood, but it definitely does. It's nice though.
And lots of my friends are getting engaged and having babies...Congrats ya'll!! It's soo sweet to see them pregnant or soo happy in love. I just have to keep up with the baby gifts...soo many blankets and cute baby outfits to crochet. Fun!
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