Oh ladies. We all know that women are caddy...that's just the way it is. Some of us are less caddy than others, some of us are more caddy than others, but for some reason it is inescapable for us to NOT be caddy.
That said, a friend of mine was telling me this story about how she was sitting around with a couple of female co-workers at lunch chatting it up. Their office is known for employing slightly sarcastic but funny people, who can sometimes take it a step too far. So she's telling me that they're talking about their men, diets, working out, etc and she gets up to get a cup of water and one of the women says, "yeah, your jeans are looking a little tight," and starts laughing. Now, she says it jokingly with this sweet tone like "I'm looking out for you, really I am just telling you the truth", but sheesh, that's harsh and rude and mean all rolled into one. Who says stuff like that!
Then another friend is telling me she works in this office with all these high maintenance late-20s early-30s mostly single women and gay men. And these women are the types who when you get to work in the morning looking a little disheveled because it was windy outside and you didn't have time to put on your mascara, eye liner, lip gloss, lip liner, foundation, powder, bronzer, and perfume, make you feel like a piece of chopped liver. Their "nice" deed of the day is telling you how horrible you look and proceeding to "fix you up." Like you were broken or something. As I'm hearing this story, I'm thinking, "who the hell are these women and they better not come anywhere near me insulting my looks unless they want to retract their bitchy little hands a few fingers short!"
It just makes me think, a lot of women do/say these things in the name of being funny or "helping" you, but really in their heart of hearts what they're saying is, "you're fatter than me" or "you're ugly right now" or "your face isn't good enough all alone." It's just wrong. I hate it when women do stuff like that. It's precisely the reason I wasn't in a sorority and do my best not to live with the extreme caddy girls. Blech...!
February 28, 2007
February 21, 2007
I Love You
I'm having a dilemma...I love writing blog posts, no matter how passe they seem to have become. The current topic occupying most of my thoughts is the new beau, and while I'm not sure if he's stumbled across my blog yet, I feel a little weird writing about my feelings on the subject and not telling him first. Should I just share my blog with him so it's out in the open? Perhaps he has already come across it? Should I continue to write openly about my feelings regardless of what the subject? I'm not sure. I don't want to offend him, but I also want to keep it real for you all...
That said, I need to share this one thing...I think I love him...I can't put it in words, and am afraid he's not ready to hear it yet. As usual I came across a song that expresses how I feel for him exactly. It's India Arie, and the song in "Simple"..here it is:
"Simple”
Now that you're right here,
Let me whisper in your ear
Now that you're listening,
Let me tell you how I feel
I've been trying to formulate
The perfect words the perfect way
I can't hold it back no more
I gotta let you know today
Its
[Chorus]
Simple (What more can I say)
So Simple
I Love you (What more can I say)
Simple (What more can I say)
So Simple
I Love you (What more can I say)
Now that you're listening let me tell you what I need
Now that your holding me let me show you what I mean
I've been trying to analyze
just what it is I fill inside my heart
But now I realize it don't have to be so hard
Cause it's
[Chorus]
Simple (What more can I say)
So Simple
I Love you (What more can I say)
Simple (What more can I say)
So Simple
I Love you (What more can I say)
[Bridge]
Once the power is for real
And I gonna say it again
And again
I Love you
I Love you
I Love you
I Love you
I Love you
I Love you
Now you know how I feel
Tell me what are you gonna do
Now that I've said the words
Tell me what do you have to lose
I know that you feel it to
I can see it when I look into your eyes
You're scared, but you don't have to be
It's alright cause it's
[Chorus]
Simple (What more can I say)
So Simple
I Love you (What more can I say)
Simple (What more can I say)
So Simple
I Love you (What more can I say)
I know...it's weighty and I am aware of that. Read it fast and while you can because I might have to hide it soon...
That said, I need to share this one thing...I think I love him...I can't put it in words, and am afraid he's not ready to hear it yet. As usual I came across a song that expresses how I feel for him exactly. It's India Arie, and the song in "Simple"..here it is:
"Simple”
Now that you're right here,
Let me whisper in your ear
Now that you're listening,
Let me tell you how I feel
I've been trying to formulate
The perfect words the perfect way
I can't hold it back no more
I gotta let you know today
Its
[Chorus]
Simple (What more can I say)
So Simple
I Love you (What more can I say)
Simple (What more can I say)
So Simple
I Love you (What more can I say)
Now that you're listening let me tell you what I need
Now that your holding me let me show you what I mean
I've been trying to analyze
just what it is I fill inside my heart
But now I realize it don't have to be so hard
Cause it's
[Chorus]
Simple (What more can I say)
So Simple
I Love you (What more can I say)
Simple (What more can I say)
So Simple
I Love you (What more can I say)
[Bridge]
Once the power is for real
And I gonna say it again
And again
I Love you
I Love you
I Love you
I Love you
I Love you
I Love you
Now you know how I feel
Tell me what are you gonna do
Now that I've said the words
Tell me what do you have to lose
I know that you feel it to
I can see it when I look into your eyes
You're scared, but you don't have to be
It's alright cause it's
[Chorus]
Simple (What more can I say)
So Simple
I Love you (What more can I say)
Simple (What more can I say)
So Simple
I Love you (What more can I say)
I know...it's weighty and I am aware of that. Read it fast and while you can because I might have to hide it soon...
February 09, 2007
Tribute to My Forefathers...Thank You
In tribute to Black History Month, I thought I would repost this blog. If it wasn't for many great Black people in this country's history we wouldn't be where we are today. I wouldn't be able to openly have a relationship with my white boyfriend, I likely wouldn't have been able to go to Penn for school and I probably wouldn't have the job I have today. Lets not forget that, this shortest month of the year that has been dedicated to Black History.
This is a poem I wrote after watching the Spike Lee movie "Bamboozled". You should see it...its an excellent commentary on black people in TV. Note the correlation between the Mantan show and the Dave Chappelle show, then check out chappelletheory.com There is an amazing correlation, although the two were produced years apart. Anyway, enough babbling...read on.
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW
Don't tell me you understand what it's like to be a black person
Or that you know black people better than me
Just because YOU think wearing oversize or hoochie mama clothes and using incorrect grammar makes you "BLACK".
I don't want to hear it.
You'll never understand what its like to walk down the street and hear someone call you nigger from a pickup truck sporting confederate flags.
You'll never understand why YOU got called to the office in sixth grade when someone called YOU a nigger. Hell, I still don't understand it myself.
You'll never feel what its like to watch the nightly news and night after night only see reports of crimes committed by black people.
Surely there are other people committing crimes in this city or at least other stories worthy of reporting on.
I mean, I sit there hoping that when they are describing a murder or child abuse or robbery that the sketch they show is not that same man with wide nose, full lips, and dark skin, that once, just ONCE a white person would be reported doing a crime in this city.
You'll never understand how my heart aches every time I watch a movie or see a show or even learn about slavery because my heart, my blood belongs to those slaves. That was my grandfather, his parents, and their parents. It's hard to think about without tears welling up in my eyes as my heart breaks for my people.
You'll never know what its like to go to one of the most prestigious schools in the world and look around the classroom day after day, year after year and only see two or three other black faces looking back.
You'll never know.
You'll never understand.
So STOP telling me you're blacker than I am because you think you know about my people or can speak some disjointed slang the ignorant refer to as ebonics!
You don't understand me, you don't understand my people.
So stop playin' yourself and the black race and learn our history...
then maybe you'll "know" a little more.
This is a poem I wrote after watching the Spike Lee movie "Bamboozled". You should see it...its an excellent commentary on black people in TV. Note the correlation between the Mantan show and the Dave Chappelle show, then check out chappelletheory.com There is an amazing correlation, although the two were produced years apart. Anyway, enough babbling...read on.
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW
Don't tell me you understand what it's like to be a black person
Or that you know black people better than me
Just because YOU think wearing oversize or hoochie mama clothes and using incorrect grammar makes you "BLACK".
I don't want to hear it.
You'll never understand what its like to walk down the street and hear someone call you nigger from a pickup truck sporting confederate flags.
You'll never understand why YOU got called to the office in sixth grade when someone called YOU a nigger. Hell, I still don't understand it myself.
You'll never feel what its like to watch the nightly news and night after night only see reports of crimes committed by black people.
Surely there are other people committing crimes in this city or at least other stories worthy of reporting on.
I mean, I sit there hoping that when they are describing a murder or child abuse or robbery that the sketch they show is not that same man with wide nose, full lips, and dark skin, that once, just ONCE a white person would be reported doing a crime in this city.
You'll never understand how my heart aches every time I watch a movie or see a show or even learn about slavery because my heart, my blood belongs to those slaves. That was my grandfather, his parents, and their parents. It's hard to think about without tears welling up in my eyes as my heart breaks for my people.
You'll never know what its like to go to one of the most prestigious schools in the world and look around the classroom day after day, year after year and only see two or three other black faces looking back.
You'll never know.
You'll never understand.
So STOP telling me you're blacker than I am because you think you know about my people or can speak some disjointed slang the ignorant refer to as ebonics!
You don't understand me, you don't understand my people.
So stop playin' yourself and the black race and learn our history...
then maybe you'll "know" a little more.
They Know Not What They Do
I have an aversion to this girl...
You're probably thinking, "that's no big deal, people have aversions to others all the time." But this is different. Everytime I see her picture I cringe and think, "I can't stand that girl!" And this all goes back to middle school and high school. We had some caddy teenage girl disagreements, and I have to say (not out of conceit or arrogance) that I think she was jealous of me back then and trying to sabotage me in an underhanded way. And I have not gotten over it. She did deceitful, ugly things back then, even if no one believed(s) what I have told them about it and for some reason I can't let it go. Perhaps because there was (nor ever has been) any sort of acknowledgement or apology for the underhanded deeds. Whatever the case, I still don't like her, don't want to see her, and can't stand her to this day. (Yes, it may seem caddy and insignificant to most, but it affected me...the things people do to others, no matter what stage in life, do affect those around them, oftentimes leaving an irreparable mark).
Reminds me of some lyrics in a Lauren Hill song "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us, although them again we will never never never trust."
Here are the full lyrics because it totally reminds me of our turbulent relationship:
Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us
Although them again we will never, never, never trust
Dem not know what dem do, dig out yuh yei while dem sticking like glue,
Fling, skin, grin while dem plotting fah you,
True, Ah Who???
Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Beware the false motives of others
Be careful of those who pretend to be brothers
And you never suppose it's those who are closest to you, to you
They say all the right things to gain their position
Then use your kindness as their ammunition
To shoot you down in the name of ambition, they do
Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Why every Indian wanna be the chief?
Feed a man 'til he's full and he still want beef
Give me grief, try to tief off my piece
Why for you to increase, I must decrease?
If I treat you kindly does it mean that I'm weak?
You hear me speak and think I won't take it to the streets
I know enough cats that don't turn the other cheek
But I try to keep it civilized like Menelik
And other African czars observing stars with war scars
Get yours in this capitalistic system
So many caught or got bought you can't list them
How you gonna idolize the missing?
To survive is to stay alive in the face of opposition
Even when they comin' gunnin'
I stand position
L's known the mission since conception
Let's free the people from deception
If you looking for the answers
Then you gotta ask the questions
And when I let go, my voice echoes through the ghetto
Sick of men trying to pull strings like Geppetto
Why black people always be the ones to settle
March through these streets like Soweto
Like Cain and Abel, Caesar and Brutus, Jesus and Judas,
Backstabbers do this
Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Forgive them father for they know not what they do
It took me a little while to discover
Wolves in sheep coats who pretend to be lovers
Men who lack conscience will even lie to themselves, to themselves
A friend once said, and I found to be true
That everyday people, they lie to God too
So what makes you think, that they won't lie to you
Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Forgive them, forgive them
Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Forgive them, forgive them
Gwan like dem love while dem rip yuh to shreds,
Trample pon yuh heart and lef yuh fi dead,
Dem a yuh fren who yuh depen pon from way back when,
But if yuh gi dem yuh back den yuh mus meet yuh end,
Dem noh know wey dem do,
Dem no know, dem no know, dem no know,
Dem no know, dem no know wey dem do
You're probably thinking, "that's no big deal, people have aversions to others all the time." But this is different. Everytime I see her picture I cringe and think, "I can't stand that girl!" And this all goes back to middle school and high school. We had some caddy teenage girl disagreements, and I have to say (not out of conceit or arrogance) that I think she was jealous of me back then and trying to sabotage me in an underhanded way. And I have not gotten over it. She did deceitful, ugly things back then, even if no one believed(s) what I have told them about it and for some reason I can't let it go. Perhaps because there was (nor ever has been) any sort of acknowledgement or apology for the underhanded deeds. Whatever the case, I still don't like her, don't want to see her, and can't stand her to this day. (Yes, it may seem caddy and insignificant to most, but it affected me...the things people do to others, no matter what stage in life, do affect those around them, oftentimes leaving an irreparable mark).
Reminds me of some lyrics in a Lauren Hill song "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us, although them again we will never never never trust."
Here are the full lyrics because it totally reminds me of our turbulent relationship:
Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us
Although them again we will never, never, never trust
Dem not know what dem do, dig out yuh yei while dem sticking like glue,
Fling, skin, grin while dem plotting fah you,
True, Ah Who???
Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Beware the false motives of others
Be careful of those who pretend to be brothers
And you never suppose it's those who are closest to you, to you
They say all the right things to gain their position
Then use your kindness as their ammunition
To shoot you down in the name of ambition, they do
Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Why every Indian wanna be the chief?
Feed a man 'til he's full and he still want beef
Give me grief, try to tief off my piece
Why for you to increase, I must decrease?
If I treat you kindly does it mean that I'm weak?
You hear me speak and think I won't take it to the streets
I know enough cats that don't turn the other cheek
But I try to keep it civilized like Menelik
And other African czars observing stars with war scars
Get yours in this capitalistic system
So many caught or got bought you can't list them
How you gonna idolize the missing?
To survive is to stay alive in the face of opposition
Even when they comin' gunnin'
I stand position
L's known the mission since conception
Let's free the people from deception
If you looking for the answers
Then you gotta ask the questions
And when I let go, my voice echoes through the ghetto
Sick of men trying to pull strings like Geppetto
Why black people always be the ones to settle
March through these streets like Soweto
Like Cain and Abel, Caesar and Brutus, Jesus and Judas,
Backstabbers do this
Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Forgive them father for they know not what they do
It took me a little while to discover
Wolves in sheep coats who pretend to be lovers
Men who lack conscience will even lie to themselves, to themselves
A friend once said, and I found to be true
That everyday people, they lie to God too
So what makes you think, that they won't lie to you
Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Forgive them, forgive them
Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Forgive them, forgive them
Gwan like dem love while dem rip yuh to shreds,
Trample pon yuh heart and lef yuh fi dead,
Dem a yuh fren who yuh depen pon from way back when,
But if yuh gi dem yuh back den yuh mus meet yuh end,
Dem noh know wey dem do,
Dem no know, dem no know, dem no know,
Dem no know, dem no know wey dem do
February 07, 2007
Stay Focused
It's hard to stay focused on one's relationship when one is constantly getting the opinions of other (warranted or not, sought out or not).
I like to think that I am a pretty level headed woman, not given to acting irrationally or not taking valid, relevant advice to heart. That said, I feel like everyone has an opinion on my current relationship. Well not everyone, just a couple of people, but it's like..."Who asked you anyway?" I take my sister's advice seriously because she is my sister and she knows me better than anyone else, and I take my mom's advice seriously because she's my mom...wise and seasoned. There are a couple of others that I consider deeply, but on the whole if I want an opinion on something, I will seek it out (different people have greater knowledge of one subject over another).
I feel like some of these opinions I'm receiving are coming out of jealousy. Some friends that have always had boyfriends but are now single are being feisty because I am spending a lot of time with the new beau. Who cares? I'm not, not spending time with them, and when they have had boyfriends they are more MIA than I am currently. That sort of opinion I don't take seriously.
Then there are those who "don't want you to make the same mistake I did." Well guess what? I'm not living my life for you. The way most people learn and how many great discoveries are made is through mistakes. Not that I'm seeking them out, but let me make my own. I'm more rational than most women my age, and way more cautious (for better or worse), and I'm tired of living life in a bell jar so as to protect myself from potential things that may or may not even happen to me. We get one life on this planet, and I think it's very important that we live it to the fullest trying to experience all that it has to offer (not to a ridiculous extreme, but live a little, right). I appreciate that people are concerned but advise me because you are sincerely worried about me, not because you are jealous or don't want me to mess up like you did, that's not what a REAL friend would do.
I like to think that I am a pretty level headed woman, not given to acting irrationally or not taking valid, relevant advice to heart. That said, I feel like everyone has an opinion on my current relationship. Well not everyone, just a couple of people, but it's like..."Who asked you anyway?" I take my sister's advice seriously because she is my sister and she knows me better than anyone else, and I take my mom's advice seriously because she's my mom...wise and seasoned. There are a couple of others that I consider deeply, but on the whole if I want an opinion on something, I will seek it out (different people have greater knowledge of one subject over another).
I feel like some of these opinions I'm receiving are coming out of jealousy. Some friends that have always had boyfriends but are now single are being feisty because I am spending a lot of time with the new beau. Who cares? I'm not, not spending time with them, and when they have had boyfriends they are more MIA than I am currently. That sort of opinion I don't take seriously.
Then there are those who "don't want you to make the same mistake I did." Well guess what? I'm not living my life for you. The way most people learn and how many great discoveries are made is through mistakes. Not that I'm seeking them out, but let me make my own. I'm more rational than most women my age, and way more cautious (for better or worse), and I'm tired of living life in a bell jar so as to protect myself from potential things that may or may not even happen to me. We get one life on this planet, and I think it's very important that we live it to the fullest trying to experience all that it has to offer (not to a ridiculous extreme, but live a little, right). I appreciate that people are concerned but advise me because you are sincerely worried about me, not because you are jealous or don't want me to mess up like you did, that's not what a REAL friend would do.
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