Have you ever been caught up in one of those moments (that may last hours or days) when everything you do feels wrong or makes you feel guilty?? I'm having one of those moments...
I know that 90% of this is imagined in my head, but lets continue on anyway. It seems that when I try to take time for myself or specify time to spend with friends that I feel like people are judging me. I don't know why all of the sudden this is, but it is. For example, I got off the phone with a friend yesterday because someone made a comment that I interpreted to mean "oh, you're on the phone NOW when its supposed to be our time to hang out" so I got off the phone, only to feel like the person I was on the phone with is now mad at me. Turns out I was wrong on one count, but I still felt bad. Then today a friend called while I was eating and I asked if I could call back, but when I got off the phone, I distinctly felt like the person was mad at me and wasn't going to pick up the phone when I called back. They didn't, but called me back shortly thereafter, assuaging my fears that they were angry with me. Again today when I got home to find my roommate sick and contagious, I kept getting phone calls while trying to catch up with her and I felt really bad that I kept taking them while cutting her off in the middle of her comments. We hardly ever get to spend time together and I spent majority of the time answering phone calls...I'm a jerk (that's how I feel anyway).
Well, the moral of the story is, I'm in this moment having these thoughts, and I can't outrun them! They have kept me awake resulting in this stream-of-consciousness and I want to shake them, but I don't know how. Why am I soo insecure right now, what's wrong with me?!?
May 24, 2007
May 18, 2007
It's Paula Deen Ya'll
So I just finished reading Paula Deen's new memoir titles "It Ain't All About The Cooking". And I really enjoyed it. For those of ya'll who don't know, Paula Deen is a cooking show host who has 2 shows on the Food Network and a plethora of cook books. Her two sons also have a show on the Food Network called Road Tasted. I was inspired to read her latest book when AW and I went to see her at Borders. She was just as animated and jovial as she was on her show and I really made me want to know what went on to create this woman.
In reading the book, though, you discover a lot about Paula...that she smokes and swears, that she made some bad decisions in her life, and that she really trusts her gut. She made some leaps of faith and determination that, had I been in a similar situation, I'm not sure I would have made. It's inspiring, but you also see the real side of what it takes to run a restaurant/business, and how she became famous. Overall I would rate the book A-. It's a very engaging read.
The conclusion I have come to where business is involved, is that a LOT of people who have made it hugely big have stumbled on some terribly terrific luck. I met David Bach who wrote Smart Women Finish Rich and other books in that series, and his story is basically that he got lucky in an investment he pursued, made lots of money and retired rich. Now, I personally don't want his advice on getting rich because he really just got lucky. As did Paula Deen in a way, but luck is a mysterious thing, and I'm not discounting it. That said, there are many people out there that truly worked hard to get rich and those are the one's I want to follow. I want to earn what I get...I think then you value it that much more.
In reading the book, though, you discover a lot about Paula...that she smokes and swears, that she made some bad decisions in her life, and that she really trusts her gut. She made some leaps of faith and determination that, had I been in a similar situation, I'm not sure I would have made. It's inspiring, but you also see the real side of what it takes to run a restaurant/business, and how she became famous. Overall I would rate the book A-. It's a very engaging read.
The conclusion I have come to where business is involved, is that a LOT of people who have made it hugely big have stumbled on some terribly terrific luck. I met David Bach who wrote Smart Women Finish Rich and other books in that series, and his story is basically that he got lucky in an investment he pursued, made lots of money and retired rich. Now, I personally don't want his advice on getting rich because he really just got lucky. As did Paula Deen in a way, but luck is a mysterious thing, and I'm not discounting it. That said, there are many people out there that truly worked hard to get rich and those are the one's I want to follow. I want to earn what I get...I think then you value it that much more.
May 16, 2007
Running but going nowhere
Today I feel anxious and unsettled. I feel like I'm running on a long treadmill trying to move forward but the treadmill just keeps going faster and faster and I'm falling more and more behind.
To give you a little background if you don't know, I just planned, coordinated and executed a 800 person pig roast on Saturday. It was not as stressful as last year...until it ended. We ran out of food about an hour and a half before the 5-hour event was over and I felt really bad (perhaps I take these things too personally). I had to refund a couple people's money and a few people had the nerve to get in my face, but they were sadly barking up the wrong tree. I was as nice as I could be though. Anyway, I spent Friday and Monday on site receiving rentals and signing off on pick ups, so I was only on Blackberry and fell quite behind in responding to emails.
So Tuesday I get to the office all prepared to send out ads that were late because I didn't send them before Pigfest and hunker down and review my budget and ticket sales from Pigfest. Lo and behold people start asking me for this and that and the other thing, so I'm trying to get it all done. Oh, and there's a steady flow of emails requesting donations or following up for donations, voicemail, and new phone calls. It's all a bit overwhelming, but I made it through. But today it feels worse. There is no more work than yesterday, but it feels more hectic. I feel like I can't get enough done, and when I finish one thing something else comes. I guess that's work, but it never stops!! It's more the people who don't do what I ask them or don't listen to instructions that get on my last gosh darn nerves! If I say don't leave a voicemail, why must they leave a voicemail that says "I know you said don't leave a voicemail but..." but nothing! If you know what I said please listen to it!
Blech! Sometimes I wonder about people. I love people, I would definitely classify myself as a people person, but sometimes, I swear, people could drive me off a cliff.
To give you a little background if you don't know, I just planned, coordinated and executed a 800 person pig roast on Saturday. It was not as stressful as last year...until it ended. We ran out of food about an hour and a half before the 5-hour event was over and I felt really bad (perhaps I take these things too personally). I had to refund a couple people's money and a few people had the nerve to get in my face, but they were sadly barking up the wrong tree. I was as nice as I could be though. Anyway, I spent Friday and Monday on site receiving rentals and signing off on pick ups, so I was only on Blackberry and fell quite behind in responding to emails.
So Tuesday I get to the office all prepared to send out ads that were late because I didn't send them before Pigfest and hunker down and review my budget and ticket sales from Pigfest. Lo and behold people start asking me for this and that and the other thing, so I'm trying to get it all done. Oh, and there's a steady flow of emails requesting donations or following up for donations, voicemail, and new phone calls. It's all a bit overwhelming, but I made it through. But today it feels worse. There is no more work than yesterday, but it feels more hectic. I feel like I can't get enough done, and when I finish one thing something else comes. I guess that's work, but it never stops!! It's more the people who don't do what I ask them or don't listen to instructions that get on my last gosh darn nerves! If I say don't leave a voicemail, why must they leave a voicemail that says "I know you said don't leave a voicemail but..." but nothing! If you know what I said please listen to it!
Blech! Sometimes I wonder about people. I love people, I would definitely classify myself as a people person, but sometimes, I swear, people could drive me off a cliff.
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