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December 25, 2009
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December 23, 2009
I'm soo ready to go
I'm soo ready to go home (to see Adam that is). Being the only child home sucks! And the pangs of being a child of divorce suck!
December 21, 2009
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December 18, 2009
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December 09, 2009
Crash!
Today I fell off my bike for the first time...as an adult. I was riding to class with a box in a bag hanging from my handlebars and I just plain got tangled up and ended up on the asphalt in the middle of an intersection. Good thing it was right in front of the hospital and a police officer happended to be directing traffic right there.
Its a weird feeling crashing on my bike. I wasn't embarassed, I wasn't really hurt, I was actually kind of proud. Bizarre, I know. But its like conquering a fear, riding on the street is always scary because of cars, the rain, etc, but this fall shows me that I can survive. Not that I will everytime, but that it's not the end of the world this time.
It's also ironic that my first crash was caused by none other than yours truly. I'm always worried that I'll get side swiped by a car, or left turned into when cars aren't paying attention to me, but nope. I will crash because of my own ignorance and lack of preparedness. Silly girl!
I'm happy that it happened the way it did with no cars behind me to run me over and a slow speed. Sadly as the hours pass my body gets more and more sore. I woke up at 11:30pm (yes I went to sleep at 8:45pm because i was exhausted) and now I can't go back to sleep. I discovered that I have a fabric burn on my right shoulder likely from where my sweater pulled as I slid across the street. I have a bruise on my left shin. My neck is now sore (think whiplash) My wrist is getting more stiff. And I managed to get a scrape on my right elbow through my sweater (which is still in one piece).
Quite the stresful morning to be sure. I'll be glad when I'm home in by BF's arms. That's all I look forward to these days.
Its a weird feeling crashing on my bike. I wasn't embarassed, I wasn't really hurt, I was actually kind of proud. Bizarre, I know. But its like conquering a fear, riding on the street is always scary because of cars, the rain, etc, but this fall shows me that I can survive. Not that I will everytime, but that it's not the end of the world this time.
It's also ironic that my first crash was caused by none other than yours truly. I'm always worried that I'll get side swiped by a car, or left turned into when cars aren't paying attention to me, but nope. I will crash because of my own ignorance and lack of preparedness. Silly girl!
I'm happy that it happened the way it did with no cars behind me to run me over and a slow speed. Sadly as the hours pass my body gets more and more sore. I woke up at 11:30pm (yes I went to sleep at 8:45pm because i was exhausted) and now I can't go back to sleep. I discovered that I have a fabric burn on my right shoulder likely from where my sweater pulled as I slid across the street. I have a bruise on my left shin. My neck is now sore (think whiplash) My wrist is getting more stiff. And I managed to get a scrape on my right elbow through my sweater (which is still in one piece).
Quite the stresful morning to be sure. I'll be glad when I'm home in by BF's arms. That's all I look forward to these days.
MLIA
I have found a new love for mylifeisaverage.com. So many of their posts make me feel less like the lone ranger out here in life! Like this:
"Today, my mom told me that PMS is like a dementor. It sucks the happiness of everyone around, but chocolate makes it all better. MLIA"
I also have to confess, everytime I read MLIA I say "my life is AWESOME" in my head. I also secretly think of MLIA moments throughout my day. Love it!
"Today, my mom told me that PMS is like a dementor. It sucks the happiness of everyone around, but chocolate makes it all better. MLIA"
I also have to confess, everytime I read MLIA I say "my life is AWESOME" in my head. I also secretly think of MLIA moments throughout my day. Love it!
December 05, 2009
Hormones :-/
I hate hormones! I thought I had fought them off this month, but alas...watching wedding dress shows made me lose it! (Along with snarky emails from classmates) Hopefully some changes next month will make it better. I just can't make any big decisions in the next few days because I am not clear minded.
Blech! I hate this and really want sugar.
Blech! I hate this and really want sugar.
December 04, 2009
Where does this leader fit in?
Seems that I can't sleep a lot lately. Not so much fun with all this work to do. Tonight what's plaguing me is the same that's been pulling at me for the last few weeks (except when I was home with the bf...he seems to put this stuff all in perspective) what kind of leadership role do I want in school? If you know me you know I always gravitate towards leadership roles. I want them. I like them. I'm good at them. But here something is different. I feel like I know myself better, yet I find myself fighting losing battles often. It's not the type of environment where I know that I can be the most effective that I can be. It brings out frustration, which is something I am working on, but leading in that type of environment won't allow me to be effective or make the best decisions. I think the reality of the situation is that I need to find what I am passionate about and not just lead for leaderships sake. It's gotta be that thing that makes me talk fast, get animated, make my heart beat fast. What is that? I mean I LOVE sustainability. I am really interested in diversity issues. I hate babying people and babysitting people which it increasing feels like I have to do. Perhaps I need to take a back seat to leadership (cha, right...if you know me that's virtually impossible...I'd sooner create something for myself to lead than lead nothing).
I told myself when I came here I was going to trust my instincts and something about whats going down doesn't feel right to me. I'm ok with that...well not okay with it, but I know enough to remove myself from it. There are certain people that just don't seem right, and I don't want my name associated with them. There are others that you can tell are good people. Now don't get me wrong, my intuition is by no means the end all and be all, but it generally steers me right (and when I don't listen, I go wrong).
I just need to decide what I want to do and stop tormenting myself about it. I need to be at peace with the thing I decide to pursue. What is that, you wonder? Very good question. If I knew exactly at this point I may let you know, I may not. I just need to work it out first.
I told myself when I came here I was going to trust my instincts and something about whats going down doesn't feel right to me. I'm ok with that...well not okay with it, but I know enough to remove myself from it. There are certain people that just don't seem right, and I don't want my name associated with them. There are others that you can tell are good people. Now don't get me wrong, my intuition is by no means the end all and be all, but it generally steers me right (and when I don't listen, I go wrong).
I just need to decide what I want to do and stop tormenting myself about it. I need to be at peace with the thing I decide to pursue. What is that, you wonder? Very good question. If I knew exactly at this point I may let you know, I may not. I just need to work it out first.
November 13, 2009
November 11, 2009
November 10, 2009
Eeks...I need exercise
I can tell when I need to exercise. It just plain simple...I get grouchy and cranky and I think its because I get stir crazy. I need to be outside exerting some physical energy. Sadly my illness has kept me off the roads (biking) for the past week, and it looks like rain for the next several days. Then there's Cornell, so the next ride will likely be Sunday night or Tuesday morning weather permitting. We'll see though.
All I can say is I started knitting for the first time during school...that's not a good sign at all. I gotta get out!
All I can say is I started knitting for the first time during school...that's not a good sign at all. I gotta get out!
November 05, 2009
It warms my soul to
It warms my soul to walk down the street and have complete strangers smile and wave while driving past. I love NC.
October 18, 2009
What is good business?
Over Fall Break (from business school for those of you who haven't heard) I started reading a book called Just Good Business by Kellie McElhaney and it is a very intersting and useful read. I started it and got halfway through in the first sitting. The basis of what she discusses is how to align corporate social responsibility strategy with brand/business strategy. It is really telling so far and brought up things I have observed, and now notice, but never really put together. One thing that I thought was really smart was the idea that your CSR strategy should align with the core competencies of your business if you want it to succeed, and not simply be something that an executives spouse is excited about.
I won't give away her examples, but a great one I thought of on my flight home was our school's major community service project. We are a business school who's core competency should be business and our community service project is Habitat for Humanity. Now, don't get me wrong, I volunteer for Habitat and no one would question whether it is a worthy cause, but it may not stick (or students may not buy in) because it is not our core competency. Maybe if our major community service project was a partnership with an organization striving to empower small businesses with appropriate business tools, or to equip the underserved with business skills so that they can enter the workplace, that might make more sense and truly align with our core competency.
So when I was reading this I was very skeptical at first, especially coming from working at a Brewery most recently. What cause aligns with a Brewery? I mean, we can't possible work with AA, that's just cruel. So what would it be? I thought of a couple of answers, but I'm not going to share...they have to think about it themselves. But in examining various cause groups that I support I was able to come up with various companies for whom it would make tremendous sense for them to partner with. Brilliant insight from Mrs. McElhaney. I will definitely be taking her class if she continues to teach as an adjunct professor. Good work!
I won't give away her examples, but a great one I thought of on my flight home was our school's major community service project. We are a business school who's core competency should be business and our community service project is Habitat for Humanity. Now, don't get me wrong, I volunteer for Habitat and no one would question whether it is a worthy cause, but it may not stick (or students may not buy in) because it is not our core competency. Maybe if our major community service project was a partnership with an organization striving to empower small businesses with appropriate business tools, or to equip the underserved with business skills so that they can enter the workplace, that might make more sense and truly align with our core competency.
So when I was reading this I was very skeptical at first, especially coming from working at a Brewery most recently. What cause aligns with a Brewery? I mean, we can't possible work with AA, that's just cruel. So what would it be? I thought of a couple of answers, but I'm not going to share...they have to think about it themselves. But in examining various cause groups that I support I was able to come up with various companies for whom it would make tremendous sense for them to partner with. Brilliant insight from Mrs. McElhaney. I will definitely be taking her class if she continues to teach as an adjunct professor. Good work!
August 25, 2009
I'm trying to be better...
...I really am! People continue to call me the wrong name and I try to rationalize it. I try to put myself in their shoes. But no matter how hard I try, I end up with either feelings of anger or intense sadness. Am I so generic in their eyes that they cannot even be bothered to remember my name? Do they really think all black women look alike? Why can't they just remember, or at least ask me again? I truly have never had this experience before, and it is beginning to color my experience here. It worries me about my professors being able to remember who I am when giving out class participation grades. It worries me about the potential work environment that I could go into post B-school with these (types of) people. Will they not remember my name? Will I be unanimously lumped with the other black women in my office (if there are any)?
And the wild thing here is that its a different person every time. That should make me feel better, since its not just one person continuously calling me the wrong name, but in fact it makes me feel worse. If it was one person, I could write it off as an ignorant person who has racist tendencies. The problem here is that it is many people one or two times. So they make their mistake, but they learn and I shouldn't be concerned, right? Well look at it from my perspective...if out of a class of 300, 5% get my name wrong, that's 15 people. Over the course of 21 days, 15 people have gotten my name wrong...and not just wrong, they've called me the wrong black woman's name (which in my opinion is more egregious). That's almost every day for three weeks. It grates at my very last nerve, and it takes everything I've got not to blow up at each additional person that calls me out of my name.
I'm certain that my reaction boils down to not feeling respected (although I'm sure that's not anyone's intention), but the real question is what do I do about it. Do I continue to be that nerd who wears my nametag everyday? Perhaps. Do I say my name before I ask any question in class so profs and classmates alike remember? Probably not because thats completely obnoxious. But what DO I do? I honestly am at a loss with this one. What a situation! I almost cried on the way home just thinking about it. Blech!
And the wild thing here is that its a different person every time. That should make me feel better, since its not just one person continuously calling me the wrong name, but in fact it makes me feel worse. If it was one person, I could write it off as an ignorant person who has racist tendencies. The problem here is that it is many people one or two times. So they make their mistake, but they learn and I shouldn't be concerned, right? Well look at it from my perspective...if out of a class of 300, 5% get my name wrong, that's 15 people. Over the course of 21 days, 15 people have gotten my name wrong...and not just wrong, they've called me the wrong black woman's name (which in my opinion is more egregious). That's almost every day for three weeks. It grates at my very last nerve, and it takes everything I've got not to blow up at each additional person that calls me out of my name.
I'm certain that my reaction boils down to not feeling respected (although I'm sure that's not anyone's intention), but the real question is what do I do about it. Do I continue to be that nerd who wears my nametag everyday? Perhaps. Do I say my name before I ask any question in class so profs and classmates alike remember? Probably not because thats completely obnoxious. But what DO I do? I honestly am at a loss with this one. What a situation! I almost cried on the way home just thinking about it. Blech!
August 19, 2009
A Day of Learning!
I learned some interesting things about myself today. I discovered that respect is one of THE most important values to me in every way (read: I got so annoyed that people were calling me the wrong black women's name because to me it indicated a lack of respect for me in not taking the time to distinguish between us).
I also learned that I am big on inclusion...I want people to feel like they're a part of the bigger group and not to feel left out (its the reason I plan weekly gatherings for my Carrboro peeps, and get frustrated when people form smaller exclusive groups...like the "cool kids").
I also learned that by recognizing when I am getting emotional in a work/school situation, I can think about what is motivating that feeling, what my triggers are, and how I can manage that (read: I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and that may be misinterpreted by others, so I need be aware of when its happening and manage it).
Overall a very personally productive day!
I also learned that I am big on inclusion...I want people to feel like they're a part of the bigger group and not to feel left out (its the reason I plan weekly gatherings for my Carrboro peeps, and get frustrated when people form smaller exclusive groups...like the "cool kids").
I also learned that by recognizing when I am getting emotional in a work/school situation, I can think about what is motivating that feeling, what my triggers are, and how I can manage that (read: I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and that may be misinterpreted by others, so I need be aware of when its happening and manage it).
Overall a very personally productive day!
August 12, 2009
I really didn't realize
It has become glaringly obvious to my how truly underrepresented African American Women are in business. I guess my mom always set me up to do my very best, and not to worry about what has been done before but to blaze my own path. I feel like I have done that for the most part in my life. But venturing back into graduate business school, meeting many new people (of whom only a handful are black, hispanic, and native american), trying to figure out my career trajectory and researching companies, it has hit me like a mack truck that I could very well the THE only African American in my workplace when I leave here. Now that might not seem like news to anyone else. In fact, it shouldn't seem like news to me because I just came from a work environment where this held true in the office. But for some reason at this point in my life it makes me a little worried.
Let me first say, though, that it may be because I experienced a phenomenon that I have never before experienced in my first couple weeks in NC. I would introduce myself to people, and days or even hours later they would call me a different black woman's name in our group. And, ok, this isn't such a big deal when you're trying to learn 300 people's names, but come on, it happened to me 6 days in a row...really! Since I have been here, I have called one person the wrong name (I really thought his name was Brian, not because he looked like someone else, but I just thought thats what he said the first time), and if I don't know someone's name I won't hesistate to ask them again...hey, it's the first couple weeks, right!? I adore my name...who doesn't, and as Dale Carnegie says in "How to Win Friends and Influence People" to win friends, smile and remember their name. This experience has had the opposite effect on me. I am beginning to wonder why this is happening, and if people are really so obtuse that they would dare confuse the 6 black women in our group. No points from me on this one.
Anyway, in searching for companies and looking at their employee rosters there are surprisingly few, if any African American faces there. It is even more true in the Sustainability or Green realm. We will have to see how this all turns out, but it will, no doubt, be a HUGE learning experience for me.
Let me first say, though, that it may be because I experienced a phenomenon that I have never before experienced in my first couple weeks in NC. I would introduce myself to people, and days or even hours later they would call me a different black woman's name in our group. And, ok, this isn't such a big deal when you're trying to learn 300 people's names, but come on, it happened to me 6 days in a row...really! Since I have been here, I have called one person the wrong name (I really thought his name was Brian, not because he looked like someone else, but I just thought thats what he said the first time), and if I don't know someone's name I won't hesistate to ask them again...hey, it's the first couple weeks, right!? I adore my name...who doesn't, and as Dale Carnegie says in "How to Win Friends and Influence People" to win friends, smile and remember their name. This experience has had the opposite effect on me. I am beginning to wonder why this is happening, and if people are really so obtuse that they would dare confuse the 6 black women in our group. No points from me on this one.
Anyway, in searching for companies and looking at their employee rosters there are surprisingly few, if any African American faces there. It is even more true in the Sustainability or Green realm. We will have to see how this all turns out, but it will, no doubt, be a HUGE learning experience for me.
July 15, 2009
Women in Business (and Politics)
Judge Sonia Sotomayor is in the process of being confirmed to the Supreme Court this week and it is very fascinating to hear the types of questions, perceptions, and views the senators and representatives have for her. Senator Lindsay Graham (R-SC) said that she is a temperamental bully citing anonymous comments about her personality on the bench. That strikes me as fascinating because these are the typical comments that people have when a woman in power is tough. If a man in power acted similarly it is likely that he would be viewed as strong minded and tough, but Sotomayor is being characterized as a bully. It shows me that we have a long way to go as far as gender equality is concerned.
On a similar note, I am highly interested to see how our Diversity workshop unfolds at school during orientation week. We had the same seminar at a diversity conference, but almost everyone in the room was an underrepresented minority. We still have our own stereotypes and many of us disagreed about a lot of them (we are a diverse group within ourselves). During Orientation the underrepresented minorities will represent a mere 8-10% of the class, so I am looking forward to hearing what the rest of my class has to contribute.
I'll definitely let you know how that turns out in about a month. Cheerio!
On a similar note, I am highly interested to see how our Diversity workshop unfolds at school during orientation week. We had the same seminar at a diversity conference, but almost everyone in the room was an underrepresented minority. We still have our own stereotypes and many of us disagreed about a lot of them (we are a diverse group within ourselves). During Orientation the underrepresented minorities will represent a mere 8-10% of the class, so I am looking forward to hearing what the rest of my class has to contribute.
I'll definitely let you know how that turns out in about a month. Cheerio!
May 27, 2009
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May 22, 2009
The (Sad) End
It sucks to work somewhere for three years and realize just at the end how taken for granted you were. It makes me incredibly sad. Some people that I work with on a daily basis aren't even here my last day and didn't bother to say goodbye or good luck :-/ The flip side of that is that almost all of my vendors and outside parties that I work with are sad to see me go and expressed their pleasure in working with me over the past three years and best wishes for grad school and the future. That affirms to me that I must have been doing something right and that my time here wasn't completely for naught.
But I just wished it had ended differently...better. Ah well, it reaffirms my desire to pursue higher education where I can learn and grow instead of staying sedentary, growing negative, and not having the support of management to grow professionally. I made the right decision and after today I think my insides will unknot and I will relax and bask in the glow of unemployment before grad school.
But I just wished it had ended differently...better. Ah well, it reaffirms my desire to pursue higher education where I can learn and grow instead of staying sedentary, growing negative, and not having the support of management to grow professionally. I made the right decision and after today I think my insides will unknot and I will relax and bask in the glow of unemployment before grad school.
May 21, 2009
Why do people find it
Why do people find it soo necessary to stand extremely close to me on the train. And facing me too. Uncomfortable!
May 20, 2009
PEACE OUT!
Why is standing up for myself soo hard! Man I wanted to avoid it soo badly, I had no idea how they were going to react. It wasn't how I imagined, and frankly in all my destest for "it's not personal it's business" I tried to embrace that mantra and I was personally attacked by them. That's crap. I know it was a surprise, but they treated me like an idiot, like what I've been doing was meanial and this new kid is going to come in and do soo much more, taking over the president's role....
....ooooooooooh shit! I totally just realized what it is about this kid that endears them to him soo much. I shouldn't say it but it totally makes sense...He is just like the pres' recently deceased son who he wanted to take over the company. It all makes soo much sense now. That could be wrong, but it seems soo right. That's why he can do no wrong. That's why he speaks soo highly of him when in reality he has similar qualifications as me.
In their minds I never moved past the 2 years of experience "girl" that they hired three years ago. They haven't seen how I've grown and taken on all this responsibility. They think I can't take this stupid place to the next level...and guess what KEEP IT! I don't want any part of it anymore anyway. Have your medicore job while I go on to do something soo much bigger. Peace out bitches!
....ooooooooooh shit! I totally just realized what it is about this kid that endears them to him soo much. I shouldn't say it but it totally makes sense...He is just like the pres' recently deceased son who he wanted to take over the company. It all makes soo much sense now. That could be wrong, but it seems soo right. That's why he can do no wrong. That's why he speaks soo highly of him when in reality he has similar qualifications as me.
In their minds I never moved past the 2 years of experience "girl" that they hired three years ago. They haven't seen how I've grown and taken on all this responsibility. They think I can't take this stupid place to the next level...and guess what KEEP IT! I don't want any part of it anymore anyway. Have your medicore job while I go on to do something soo much bigger. Peace out bitches!
May 19, 2009
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Ms. Power & Ms. Smoother
I just now realized what it is about them. Why these two particular people that I know get along soo very well when I barely get along with either of them. They like one another because one is a total people pleaser and smoother and the other is on a power trip. It works because Ms. Power dominates the relationship over Ms. Smoother. Very weird.
Why don't I get along with them? It's totally a power struggle. Ms. Power wants to be in control of everything even things that don't fall under her purview. Anyone who know me knows that this doesn't fly in my book. I've figured out a way to make things work out, but its a constant struggle for power...yuck!
And Ms. Smoother tries so very hard to make everyone happy, but the world doesn't work that way. (Didn't her momma ever tell her "you can please some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time") Sometimes the decisions you make are not going to be ones that everyone agrees with and you have to be ok with that. I don't think she is. How it relates to me? Well in trying to make certain people happy she tries to tell me what to do, and once again that doesn't fly with me. It's a power struggle again.
I cannot wait to leave these two behind and move forward with my life getting smarter, sharper, and more professional nimble. It's interesting how things work out and what we can learn, but I'm glad to take that risk and keep on learning!
Why don't I get along with them? It's totally a power struggle. Ms. Power wants to be in control of everything even things that don't fall under her purview. Anyone who know me knows that this doesn't fly in my book. I've figured out a way to make things work out, but its a constant struggle for power...yuck!
And Ms. Smoother tries so very hard to make everyone happy, but the world doesn't work that way. (Didn't her momma ever tell her "you can please some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time") Sometimes the decisions you make are not going to be ones that everyone agrees with and you have to be ok with that. I don't think she is. How it relates to me? Well in trying to make certain people happy she tries to tell me what to do, and once again that doesn't fly with me. It's a power struggle again.
I cannot wait to leave these two behind and move forward with my life getting smarter, sharper, and more professional nimble. It's interesting how things work out and what we can learn, but I'm glad to take that risk and keep on learning!
May 14, 2009
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May 13, 2009
Letting Go
Over the past couple of weeks,I have been continually surprised by how hard it is for me to let go of this job. I thought it would be fairly easy...find replacement, train him/her, relax, head off to grad school. It is not so my friends. I find my self correcting him on ideas that could be good but don't necessarily fit in with my ideas of how to manage a brand. I am seeing an increasingly negative side of myself in shooting down ideas (that I know from the past to have gotten rejected, been illegal, or not worked) and I don't like it. I think that may be particular to this job/company, but I am going to keep a close eye on it in my personality, because it is definitely NOT something I want to carry on.
It has really been eye opening for me. I sit in the room with my "replacement" and have to tell myself to keep my mouth shut because this is now his project. It's sad to get a glimpse of how things are going to go from here on out because while some things will be better, it seems apparent that some may get left by the wayside.
Who knows, the reality is that this is not my job anymore, and not my company to pull for anymore. Sad but true I suppose. I had always imagined moving on but still being amicable with my replacement and offering help and suggestions, but I feel like at this age and this time in life my co-horts feel like they have to prove themselves and therefore be competitive and contentious. (I'm probably the same way). Its just not what I had pictured happening. None of this has gone down how I imagined it would. But alas, these are the things we learn in life. Be cautiously optimistic, get to know people before you accept a job offer, love life and love what you do!
It has really been eye opening for me. I sit in the room with my "replacement" and have to tell myself to keep my mouth shut because this is now his project. It's sad to get a glimpse of how things are going to go from here on out because while some things will be better, it seems apparent that some may get left by the wayside.
Who knows, the reality is that this is not my job anymore, and not my company to pull for anymore. Sad but true I suppose. I had always imagined moving on but still being amicable with my replacement and offering help and suggestions, but I feel like at this age and this time in life my co-horts feel like they have to prove themselves and therefore be competitive and contentious. (I'm probably the same way). Its just not what I had pictured happening. None of this has gone down how I imagined it would. But alas, these are the things we learn in life. Be cautiously optimistic, get to know people before you accept a job offer, love life and love what you do!
April 07, 2009
Its not personal, its business
I think I've determined the source of my angst at work. It truly comes down to one person in particular, and not the person you might think. Its someone who has no authority over much of anything, but tries to act like they do. Saying rude and sarcastic things that are really just inappropriate and rude. It gets to me, but I'm trying to remember something that my old boss told me last week.
"It's not personal, its business."
Its really hard for me to grasp that idea because to me it is personal. I spend majority of my waking hours at work, why wouldn't it be personal? But I guess it really is business. Most of my tumultuous work relationships really come down to a power struggle. One that if I stop trying to fight it and let the person have their perceived "power" could quite easily be solved. I, however, am bull-headed and stubborn, so don't like to let people have their way especially if there is principle involved. "They shouldn't get to do something or act a certain way, so I won't let them" is how my thoughts go. I really need to learn to let go, and I'm hoping I can learn more how to do this in business school. I think it will be a personal journey as well, but hopefully some of the leadership training will play a key role in helping me separate personal from business (if that's even a valuable thing to do).
Let me know if you have thoughts on this topic. I really am interested to hear other people's insights.
"It's not personal, its business."
Its really hard for me to grasp that idea because to me it is personal. I spend majority of my waking hours at work, why wouldn't it be personal? But I guess it really is business. Most of my tumultuous work relationships really come down to a power struggle. One that if I stop trying to fight it and let the person have their perceived "power" could quite easily be solved. I, however, am bull-headed and stubborn, so don't like to let people have their way especially if there is principle involved. "They shouldn't get to do something or act a certain way, so I won't let them" is how my thoughts go. I really need to learn to let go, and I'm hoping I can learn more how to do this in business school. I think it will be a personal journey as well, but hopefully some of the leadership training will play a key role in helping me separate personal from business (if that's even a valuable thing to do).
Let me know if you have thoughts on this topic. I really am interested to hear other people's insights.
April 05, 2009
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April 04, 2009
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March 16, 2009
Baby Names and Grad School
Deciding on a graduate school can be likened to naming a child in the way people react.
Before you've had your baby, a lot of people decide to keep the name quiet. Not because they don't want people to know, but because people feel very free to criticize your name selection before the baby is born, because it is not attached to anything (in their minds) yet. The same can be said of grad school. Before you make your decision on where you want to go, people feel free to voice their opinion on the pros and cons of your choices.
But once that baby is born or that school is chosen, people are all smiles and congratulations. No one wants to say what a "silly" or "odd" name you chose for your baby, or how that business school measures up against others. It's a very interesting phenomena that I have noticed throughout this whole process.
Just thought I'd share. Have any of your experienced anything similar?
Before you've had your baby, a lot of people decide to keep the name quiet. Not because they don't want people to know, but because people feel very free to criticize your name selection before the baby is born, because it is not attached to anything (in their minds) yet. The same can be said of grad school. Before you make your decision on where you want to go, people feel free to voice their opinion on the pros and cons of your choices.
But once that baby is born or that school is chosen, people are all smiles and congratulations. No one wants to say what a "silly" or "odd" name you chose for your baby, or how that business school measures up against others. It's a very interesting phenomena that I have noticed throughout this whole process.
Just thought I'd share. Have any of your experienced anything similar?
March 13, 2009
UNC it is Friends!
So I've been struggling over this decision for months, but I've finally made a choice. I'm going to graduate business school at UNC-Chapel Hill. It has been a really tough choice for me because I feel like all my undergraduate friends followed the traditional route of attending other Ivy league type b-schools. I wanted to but didn't prevail in that endeavor, plus UNC offers the particular program that I want, Strategy and Sustainability (with a lot of career support and development in the field as well). Oh yeah, and I got a full-tuition fellowship!! I think I will really like the change in environment and the bf is very excited about the move too.
Another reason I am excited is to be moving on from what some would call a dream job. It has been an interesting, fun, challenging, and....hmmm, educational three years, but my time has definitely come. I look forward to working with more like-minded people and achieving something greater than myself for society as a whole. I simply CANNOT wait for May to come.
That said, a Marketing Manager position will be open at the Brooklyn Brewery starting in May. The job should be posted on Monster on Monday, so if you're interested check it out and send in your resume (and coverletter) if you meet the qualifications.
Another reason I am excited is to be moving on from what some would call a dream job. It has been an interesting, fun, challenging, and....hmmm, educational three years, but my time has definitely come. I look forward to working with more like-minded people and achieving something greater than myself for society as a whole. I simply CANNOT wait for May to come.
That said, a Marketing Manager position will be open at the Brooklyn Brewery starting in May. The job should be posted on Monster on Monday, so if you're interested check it out and send in your resume (and coverletter) if you meet the qualifications.
February 23, 2009
60 Month Promise
So I'm sure a lot of you know that I've been a little unsettled lately. I met a woman today who told me something I thought was really useful. I come from a generation of job hoppers and people with short attention spans, so this was especially meaningful to me. She told me that I should promise myself to work in one place for 60 months because I can get really deep in my field and rise though the ranks. I never really thought about that before, and it definitely makes sense. Its sort of a challenge, and I'm a girl who never shirks from a challenge. We'll see how it turns out, but I was pretty impressed by her, and open to her feedback so we'll see what happens next.
February 17, 2009
Challenging Times
This might be one of the most challenging times in my life so far. Really, I knew applying for Business school would be stressful, but I didn't anticipate the stress indirectly associated with it. Such as changes in the workplace environment due to the idea that I might be leaving. Or the reality that I might not (did not) get in to all the schools I want to go to. And the realization that I might need an alternate plan (other than staying in the same work environment) if I decide this isn't the right thing for me at this time.
These are all things that I didn't anticipate. It's very stressful and nerve-wracking! I'm just trying to make it through one day at a time and not get too stressed out or sad. But what I can say is that this morning when getting dressed in business casual attire to work at a Brewery, I realized why I wanted to go to business school. Not because I think I'm better than where I'm at, but because I think I am capable of infinitely more. That will be the reality for the rest of my life, because we are never done learning. For me, in my current position, taking advantage of the infinite potential means gaining further knowledge. Up until now, I thought the only way to do that was through business school, but that may not necessarily be the case. Now I am exploring ways of capitalizing on my own potential in other environments where I can achieve more professionally AND personally. A work environment that not only helps the company achieve its bottom line, but helps me achieve my triple bottom line. I'm here for the company's betterment, for my own professional and personal development, and to better society as a whole. I need to work in a place that values all three and whether it takes business school or not, I will get there. I am determined!
These are my early morning thoughts that will hopefully sustain me as I continue on this journey. If you have any thoughts or words of wisdom, please feel free to share!
These are all things that I didn't anticipate. It's very stressful and nerve-wracking! I'm just trying to make it through one day at a time and not get too stressed out or sad. But what I can say is that this morning when getting dressed in business casual attire to work at a Brewery, I realized why I wanted to go to business school. Not because I think I'm better than where I'm at, but because I think I am capable of infinitely more. That will be the reality for the rest of my life, because we are never done learning. For me, in my current position, taking advantage of the infinite potential means gaining further knowledge. Up until now, I thought the only way to do that was through business school, but that may not necessarily be the case. Now I am exploring ways of capitalizing on my own potential in other environments where I can achieve more professionally AND personally. A work environment that not only helps the company achieve its bottom line, but helps me achieve my triple bottom line. I'm here for the company's betterment, for my own professional and personal development, and to better society as a whole. I need to work in a place that values all three and whether it takes business school or not, I will get there. I am determined!
These are my early morning thoughts that will hopefully sustain me as I continue on this journey. If you have any thoughts or words of wisdom, please feel free to share!
February 09, 2009
Welcome back to the world of the retarded
Welcome back to the world of the retarded.
I really didn't think I would be so shocked to come back to this. But immediately I remembered why I am pursuing grad school and why I want to study sustainability. It's more about how people treat one another and the environment, even when that environment means the one I sit and work at everyday. I can't stand it. It's idiocracy at its best. Not all of them, mind you, but enough to make it worthwhile for me to take my leave.
Welcome back.
I really didn't think I would be so shocked to come back to this. But immediately I remembered why I am pursuing grad school and why I want to study sustainability. It's more about how people treat one another and the environment, even when that environment means the one I sit and work at everyday. I can't stand it. It's idiocracy at its best. Not all of them, mind you, but enough to make it worthwhile for me to take my leave.
Welcome back.
February 06, 2009
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This message was sent using the Picture and Video Messaging service from Verizon Wireless!
To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.
Note: To play video messages sent to email, QuickTime� 6.5 or higher is required.
January 16, 2009
Doubt-inducing
It is upsetting for me to hear people doubt my chances of getting into graduate school. Who would dare say such a thing out loud, you ask? Oh, that would be my lovely bosses. It's such a shame to work for people who, without even realizing what they're saying, degrade you and question your intelligence. Why would you want someone working for you that you didn't think was smart enough to get into grad school? That's what eludes me. And if you did want that kind of person, that's not the kind of place that I want to work.
The reality is that I know they don't mean it when they say these things...like "oh, we haven't talked about your replacement yet because we don't even know if you'll get in." or "There are a lot of people applying this year so we're not sure if you'll be going to school in the fall" I mean, to them this is just rational thinking, but to me it's a huge slap in the face. It makes me consider what they actually wrote in my letters of recommendation. Scary thought, huh?!
Anyway, I've been ruminating on this for days, as my decision dates approach. I'm pretty confident about some schools and questionable about others, but certain I'll make the right decision. It's a stressful process to begin with, so if you see me and I tell you I'm applying to XYZ schools, even if you don't think I'll get in, just be happy for me that I'm embarking on a new phase in life. Much love!
The reality is that I know they don't mean it when they say these things...like "oh, we haven't talked about your replacement yet because we don't even know if you'll get in." or "There are a lot of people applying this year so we're not sure if you'll be going to school in the fall" I mean, to them this is just rational thinking, but to me it's a huge slap in the face. It makes me consider what they actually wrote in my letters of recommendation. Scary thought, huh?!
Anyway, I've been ruminating on this for days, as my decision dates approach. I'm pretty confident about some schools and questionable about others, but certain I'll make the right decision. It's a stressful process to begin with, so if you see me and I tell you I'm applying to XYZ schools, even if you don't think I'll get in, just be happy for me that I'm embarking on a new phase in life. Much love!
January 08, 2009
More thoughts on American Obesity
So...if you read the last post you know my office is having a Blubber Bowl this month (we're competing a la "Biggest Loser" to see who can lose the most weight). We got our office scale yesterday and everyone felt the need to play with it...of course. The sad thing is that the only person in our office that isn't overweight is the one person we all think needs to eat more (he only eats half a grilled cheese for lunch and no dinner for example). If you can imagine these weigh-ins, most people were not in denial of their weight, but in denial about their body fat composition, which our scale shows. "Oh, this must be wrong, I can't be Obese!" "No way this is accurate, it must be broken." Everyone who weighed in so far, save 3 people, is Obese...including yours truly.
Now I could make every excuse in the book, but I won't. The reality is that I could be healthier so I am making a choice to change my eating and exercise habits. It just really struck me that we, as Americans, have such a distorted view of what is healthy and what isn't. According to our pre-weigh-in the kid who "needs to eat more" is the only healthy one here (not accounting for nutrition). The rest of us who have come to accept our sizes are really the ones who need to trim down. Here it is kids...plain and simple...we eat too much and don't exercise enough. Being five feet three inches and weighing in at one hundred eighty one pounds is NOT ok, whether its muscle or fat.
Its crazy how many excuses are made and rationalizations embraced. I'm trying to shed that. No more excuses, I'm not just muscular, I am a bit unhealthy. And I'm going to fix that. 2009...and the rest of my life...here I come!
Now I could make every excuse in the book, but I won't. The reality is that I could be healthier so I am making a choice to change my eating and exercise habits. It just really struck me that we, as Americans, have such a distorted view of what is healthy and what isn't. According to our pre-weigh-in the kid who "needs to eat more" is the only healthy one here (not accounting for nutrition). The rest of us who have come to accept our sizes are really the ones who need to trim down. Here it is kids...plain and simple...we eat too much and don't exercise enough. Being five feet three inches and weighing in at one hundred eighty one pounds is NOT ok, whether its muscle or fat.
Its crazy how many excuses are made and rationalizations embraced. I'm trying to shed that. No more excuses, I'm not just muscular, I am a bit unhealthy. And I'm going to fix that. 2009...and the rest of my life...here I come!
January 06, 2009
On Resolution 2
So I began my quest to achieve my second resolution of losing weight yesterday. I went to the gym against my every inclination, but motivated by the resolution (and my boyfriend). I also weighed myself...super fun! I'm weighing in at 181 (4lbs lighter than my last doctor visit in October). I thought it would be easy for me to do since I have "gotten healthy" as I put it (or "trimmed down" as my college cheer coach put it) before. This time, having the words "lose weight" in my mind is making it that much harder. I can do this!
I read an article in the New York Times today about how exercise is not only about accessibility to work out equipment, but personal motivation and the belief that you can achieve your goals. Intellectually I think I can do this, but physically I doubt myself. I feel like recently I've been bombarded with overly skinny women making me feel even fatter than I am. I know that I am a muscular woman, but I've begun to hide behind that as an excuse for weighing a lot. I have definitely NOT gained 25lbs of muscle since college, that's for sure. Maybe a few pounds, but not 25.
But along these lines, my company has initiated the Blubber Bowl. It's a competition to lose weight in the month of January. We have an office scale and we'll all weigh in together at the beginning of the month and the end of the month. There is a prize to motivate us all, and I have enlisted our Operations Manager as my coach. He rides his bike like 30 miles every morning and has been the same weight since college (he's 40 now) where he was in crew. It's going to be rough at first, but he is very logical about everything so I think that will help me stop making excuses.
Stay tuned for more updates as I go along. It should be an interesting journey to July 1st and 160lbs. I'll probably be hungry and grumpy in the beginning, but ultimately more energized.
I read an article in the New York Times today about how exercise is not only about accessibility to work out equipment, but personal motivation and the belief that you can achieve your goals. Intellectually I think I can do this, but physically I doubt myself. I feel like recently I've been bombarded with overly skinny women making me feel even fatter than I am. I know that I am a muscular woman, but I've begun to hide behind that as an excuse for weighing a lot. I have definitely NOT gained 25lbs of muscle since college, that's for sure. Maybe a few pounds, but not 25.
But along these lines, my company has initiated the Blubber Bowl. It's a competition to lose weight in the month of January. We have an office scale and we'll all weigh in together at the beginning of the month and the end of the month. There is a prize to motivate us all, and I have enlisted our Operations Manager as my coach. He rides his bike like 30 miles every morning and has been the same weight since college (he's 40 now) where he was in crew. It's going to be rough at first, but he is very logical about everything so I think that will help me stop making excuses.
Stay tuned for more updates as I go along. It should be an interesting journey to July 1st and 160lbs. I'll probably be hungry and grumpy in the beginning, but ultimately more energized.
January 05, 2009
Resolutions for 2009
I know a lot of people are anti-resolutions, but why not use the New Year as a reason to make some decisions about changing yourself. I do make resolutions, and I do a decent job of keeping them...shall we revisit last year's??
2008 Resolutions:
1) Take advantage of the gym membership that I already pay for (either by working out 5 days a week or taking a class at the gym)
- I did work out about 4 days a week for most of the year, and I do feel like I got my money's worth out of my membership
2) Tone my arms and abs
- the arms are definitely more tone, although the abs are only slightly more tone
3) Work on having a more positive outlook on life and not being soo "snarky".
- Definitely made this a reality. The move to BK definitely helped
4) Not getting so stressed out/moderating that stress better (via breathing exercises or yoga at home)
- I have practiced more yoga than 2007, but my doctor has informed me that I have ever so slightly high blood pressure which leads me to believe that I need to continue working on this
5) No more swearing
- yeah, not so much with this one
6) No whining
- only when its funny
What are my resolutions for 2009, you ask? Lets check it out:
1) To worry less (i.e. decrease my blood pressure and let things be once I have done my best)
2) To lose weight (this is a new one for me), specifically to weight 160 by July 1st. That's roughly 15-20lbs for those interested ;-)
2a) To complete at least one 30 day challenge in Bikram yoga (for those of you who don't practice, that's 30 straight days of hot yoga without missing one)
3) To have a more positive outlook (it's the evergreen on my resolutions...I'm a constant work in progress)
So if you see me or hang out with me and I'm falling short of these resolutions, please feel free to poke me or scold me. It should be a good year!
2008 Resolutions:
1) Take advantage of the gym membership that I already pay for (either by working out 5 days a week or taking a class at the gym)
- I did work out about 4 days a week for most of the year, and I do feel like I got my money's worth out of my membership
2) Tone my arms and abs
- the arms are definitely more tone, although the abs are only slightly more tone
3) Work on having a more positive outlook on life and not being soo "snarky".
- Definitely made this a reality. The move to BK definitely helped
4) Not getting so stressed out/moderating that stress better (via breathing exercises or yoga at home)
- I have practiced more yoga than 2007, but my doctor has informed me that I have ever so slightly high blood pressure which leads me to believe that I need to continue working on this
5) No more swearing
- yeah, not so much with this one
6) No whining
- only when its funny
What are my resolutions for 2009, you ask? Lets check it out:
1) To worry less (i.e. decrease my blood pressure and let things be once I have done my best)
2) To lose weight (this is a new one for me), specifically to weight 160 by July 1st. That's roughly 15-20lbs for those interested ;-)
2a) To complete at least one 30 day challenge in Bikram yoga (for those of you who don't practice, that's 30 straight days of hot yoga without missing one)
3) To have a more positive outlook (it's the evergreen on my resolutions...I'm a constant work in progress)
So if you see me or hang out with me and I'm falling short of these resolutions, please feel free to poke me or scold me. It should be a good year!
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