The value of relationships

Over the past few days and weeks, something that I kind of knew in the back on my mind has been crystallized as a core value of mine. Relationships! I value my relationships with others and "I will cut you" if you mess with my friends or associates. Now, no, I won't literally cut you, but you will be on my short list of people not to help out in the future.

A few situations brought this to life for me.

1) An associate of mine was being mistreated by one of her coworkers. On the level of outright rudeness and disrespect during a meeting with others present. I know the guilty party, and their behavior is absolutely unacceptable and unprofessional...and it's not the first time they have acted this way with my associate or others. I have no desire to associate with this person going forward, as it disgusts me that they would even dare to treat people that way. Mess with my friends, and you're messing with me!

2) I have a great relationship with my vendors. Today an associate sent an uniformed and slightly aggressive email to one of my vendors when a polite list of questions would have done fine. I don't take kindly to you putting my relationships with key vendors in jeopardy. These are the people who come through in a pinch when I need to turn projects around in unrealistic timelines. These are the people who bend over backwards to help ensure that my programs are a success. I need and value these people and vice versa. Mess with them, and you're messing with me!

3) Broadly over the past year, I've come to realize that email can paralyze us. I am a people person through and through (ENTJ all the way), and sending emails is not my thing. Messages are lost or misconstrued, facial expressions are absent, and meaning is muddied. I prefer to see your smiling (or grimacing) face and hear your voice so that full meaning in conveyed. I'm a worrier, and understanding the full breadth of communication that comes from verbal and non-verbal ques is really important to me to ensure I don't miss key information. In person communication helps to build and strengthen relationships and foster trust and respect.

All this to say, I value my relationships with people to the utmost. Taking care of my friends and associates is paramount because 1) no man is an island (no matter how hard he tries) and 2) without those people supporting you and helping you achieve greatness, you'll be standing at the top (or bottom) all alone with no one to share in your success (or failure).

Passion in Jazz

A lot of people hate to har or see the word passion when it related to a job. I hear that on some occasions, but the job that absolutely blows that theory open is being a jazz musician. Anyone can play the notes, but only a true jazz musician can feel the groove, the jam, the rhythym that makes jazz the soulful, masterful work that it is.

Last night I went to hear the Jazz at Lincoln Center Orchestra, led by Wynton Marsalis, at UNC’s Memorial Hall. What an experience!! These guys were feeling every piece (although admittedly, some more than others it appeared) and bringing this soulful real music to life.

As I was sitting there bobbing to the beat, it was amazing to watch the pianist, an unassuming guy, gyrate to the beat and tap his foot rhythmically what underlaying the foundation of each piece. Beautiful. And Ali, the drummer! His facial expressions say it all. He was feeling the percussion, head bobbing, body swaying, expressions matching the music. Ah man! It reminds me why I love jazz soo much!

And to see these guys, who are clearly doing what they love, inspires me to find my place in that realm. When can I find the job that brings a smile to my face just making it happen. I’m not there now, although really good at what I do, but I’d like to be there. In a place where people look at me while I’m doing my job and can tell how much I enjoy it.

Thank you JALC for reminding me of that place, and for bring a smile to my face for 90 minutes straight last night!

DIY T-shirt Necklace

So last week I got ambitious and made myself a jersey skirt. I love it and have worn it many times since (i'll show it to you in another post). But as I was making it and creating a lot of scraps, I decided to make a matching necklace since I'd seen soo many tutorials on pinterest. This is the one I based mine off of. And this is what I did:

First I cut about 2" wide strips of fabric. I didn't really bother to measure except to note that I wanted 3 different lengths of braid. Below you'll see that I measured the lengths as I braided, instead of at this step

Then I grouped the strips into bundles of 3 and sewed the ends together. The type of jersey I used didn't naturally curl under, so I fudged it and tried to make sure the fabric stayed in a tube as I braided. I also safety pinned the end of the braid to the couch to hold it in place while I worked.

Here you can see the three braids that I made. I wanted the middle one to be different, so I threw in a strand of black jersy to add some contrast. You can also see how I laid them out the way I wanted to necklace to lay to make sure the lengths were what I wanted.

Here's a close up so you can see how the raw edges of the fabric don't really show, and the middle braid has a black contrast.

Then I grouped the ends together and sewed them. (It didn't say to do that in the tutorial, but I was afraid they would pull apart). I took another scrap of fabric and wrapped it tightly around the sewn ends and made a side seam. Then I turned it inside out, tucking in the ends to form the look below.

And this is the final product. Forgive my grumpy face, it was late when I took this photo!

It was a fun and super easy project that only took me about 2 hours to complete. AND I got lots of compliments when I wore it to work with my jersey skirt!

I Hate Violence

I don’t like fighting. And I don’t like violence. I never have. I don’t like it soo much that when I was in fourth grade I helped found the Neon Negotiators – a peer to peer mediation and dispute resolution group. At recess and lunchtime we wore these bright pink bandanas tied around our arms and if other kids in our class were having arguments or fights, we were “trained” (as well as one can train a fourth grader) to help them work towards a non-violent resolution. Now, I should definitely caveat this with the fact that I grew up in a very middle class suburban predominantly white town, so none of these disputes were dangerous, merely disagreements and fights among friends that could potentially turn into fist fights…potentially.

So you’re probably wondering, why I am I telling you all of this? And rightly so. Well, last night Adam and I watched Frontline and it was on “The Interrupters”. If you haven’t seen it, I highly suggest clicking on the link and watching some of the clips. It was a moving and poignant mini-documentary about this dispute and conflict resolution organization in Chicago. They are based in neighborhoods where violence is the norm, and has been for decades. Kids come up in families with one or both parents in jail and/or surrounded by violence on a daily basis. One of the local funeral directors said of the 150+ funerals he had one year, 90% of them were young people (kids 24 and under). The Interrupters are tired of this violence. Most of them (if not all) were once involved in the very violence that they are fighting against. Former gang members, drug dealers, etc, but the people in the community respect them now because they know the struggle and they were able to get out. They get calls when they hear a potential argument could turn into a fight, which could then escalate to a shooting or stabbing then gang retaliation. They don’t always stem the violence, but the director purports that acts of violence in the areas where the Interrupters are present are down about 40%.

But that’s not what troubles me. What troubled me in watching this show, and subsequently dreaming about those young people is my feeling of helplessness. It’s the same feeling I had when I was in the slums of Nairobi. You see all these beautiful children with so much potential, but they don’t see a way out. Little children who say the one thing they would change about their neighborhood is the shootings! (The one thing I would have changed about my neighborhood was having no traffic so we could play kickball in the street longer). Watching this show made me want to help young minority kids growing up in challenging environments, but who am I to come in with my suburban middleclass background and try to tell these people how to change their lives. I know nothing of their struggles, their fears, their hopes, and their dreams. But my heart hurts for them, for my people who have been disenfranchised and brought up in conditions that are soo hard from which to escape. Violence or abject poverty is the norm. And studies have shown that the most successful aid comes from organizations run by people in the community being helped, like The Interrupters or Carolina for Kibera. So, where is my place in this? Can I help? How can I give them hope and a way out? Is it even possible for me, as an outsider?

Adventures in Quilting

So people have long told me that I have an old soul. I admit it, I love knitting and crocheting (although in NYC, this would be considered "hip"), and I have recently started quilting. And by started, I mean I made one little test quilt. It is by no means perfect, but I think it is a pretty neat first attempt. I definitely feel more confident in my sewing abilities and love seeing the final product come together. I have to admit, when I was piecing the blocks I got sooo bored! I wasn't sure quilting was for me, but I will say to anyone who is learning to quilt and is stuck at the piecing stage...Keep going! It goes much faster and gets more fun once you start putting the blocks together. Good luck!

Below is a photo timeline of my progress leading to the finished blanket!

Here are my pieces. I used the strip piecing method to create the checkered pattern:


Then I made nine blocks like this by randomly matching the strips:


Then I created my quilt top by laying out the blocks in the order I wanted them and numbering them



Then I played around with quilting scraps to see what my sewing machine would do. I love the circular one, but since my quilt is really geometric, that will have to wait.



I decided on the straight lines to run through the solid black squares, and this is how it came out. I battled with my thread and tension for a while, so the back is not perfect, but I finally got the hang of it with better quilting thread.


I chose a white patterned border and hand sewed the back. Not too bad, and it came together nicely. Here's the back so you can see the quilting pattern and the border:


After finishing, I am already thinking about what the next quilt project will be. It is time consuming, but seeing the final quilt makes it all worth it. I made that!!